


Fix You

by heffermonkey



Series: Break me Down, Build me Up [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-09
Updated: 2012-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-20 17:39:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 33,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/587997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heffermonkey/pseuds/heffermonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his imprisonment and psychological abuse at the hands of Victor Hesse, Danny finds himself on the rocky road to recovery. But is he willing to be fixed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Danny stared stubbornly out of the window, hunched down in the back seat of the van, avoiding any movement that caused his eyes to meet Steve's that he knew were constantly roving to watch him in the rearview mirror. Zip ties itched at his wrists, the seat belt kept sticking every time they went over a rocky part of the path but he ignored the discomfort because he didn't want to speak to him either. They hadn't spoken for hours, not since Steve had manhandled him into the van and drove away from Victor's.

Danny glanced down at his hands, he'd washed them of the blood he'd gotten on them from Victor's body but his fingernails were still stained slightly. He looked away, following their route, wondering where Steve was taking them. In front and behind there were other cars, escorting them to their destination.

He heard a noise, a cell phone ringing and then Steve's voice cutting through the silence as he answered.

"Chin - yeah, we're okay," Steve said in pauses. "I'm taking him directly there -. Dead -. He's, well, it's going to take some time, but he's safe now, that's what matters."

Danny scowled and refused to look round even though he knew Steve was talking about him. Safe? How was he now safe? Steve was taking him back into all the chaos and craziness his life had been before Victor had shown him different. He hunched down lower, leaning against the door and wondered what was going to happen to him now.

~

The car pulled up to a small, picturesque cabin. It was large and homey, surrounded by jungle and set up in the mountains overlooking a steep valley. The path leading up to it had been pretty rocky and Danny felt brusied from the ride as Steve parked and got out of the van. Danny watched him go to the door and knock on it before turning round to look at him. Danny averted his eyes and waited for him to let him out, unable to manouvere much with his hands tied. Steve eventually came to the door and he sat up, Steve leaning over him to undo the seatbelt and helping him step out. He produced a knife and cut through the zip ties binding his wrists but kept a hand on his arm as he led him towards the cabin. A man stood on the porch with a watchful gaze and soft smile on his face. He was older, maybe early fifties, greying hair, black still dusting through the silver. His eyes were a bright blue and held a gentle expression, skin wrinkled around them, as well as his mouth.

"Hello Danny," the man said as they approached him. "I'm Al Wade, let's get you settled in."

Danny didn't reply or take his hand when he held it out as he welcomed him. Instead he looked away, well aware Steve had a hand on his arm and for the moment he wasn't going to be able to do anything but what they wanted him to do. He glanced around, one of the cars that had been escorting them had followed them to the cabin, but nobody had exited the vehicle. He felt Steve give him a small push and reluctantly followed Al inside.

"I've arranged for you to have a room upstairs," Al explained lightly and they went directly upwards. "There's an adjoining en-suite. I hope you two don't mind sharing."

He led the way into a large spacious room, two single beds, wardrobe, chest of drawers. Wooden floor, the en-suite just off to the left. Floor to ceiling windows with a balcony beyond, the view looking over the valley.

"Thanks Al," Steve said and Danny realised he was standing alone in the room as Steve shook hands with the other man.

Al nodded with a smile and checked his watch. "We'll serve supper at seven out on the lanai. Maybe you want to freshen up, I know it's been a long day. We unpacked the clothes that were sent along, you'll find everything in the wardrobes and drawers and there's fresh towels in the bathroom. Tonight you can rest and tomorrow we can talk properly. See you at supper."

Danny watched Al leave, turning away as Steve turned his attention to him. He listened to the door shut and Steve moving about the room.

"You want to shower first?" Steve asked.

"Where are we?" Danny asked in reply. "What is this place?"

"It's a retreat," Steve answered honestly, coming up to him and standing in front of him. "Al works here."

"He a doctor?" Danny asked.

"Sort of," Steve replied with a shrug. "Why don't you ask him yourself later."

"I'm not going to supper," Danny shook his head. "And I don't want to stay here. I want to go back -."

"Back to Oahu?" Steve cut in before he could continue.

"You should have left me back at Victor's," Danny said, giving him a small shove. "I didn't ask for any of this. You can't keep me here against my will."

"Victor kept you against your will," Steve retorted quickly. "I didn't see you put up much of a fight there."

"I wanted to be there," Danny snapped back.

Steve looked hurt but didn't retaliate and Danny looked away again, wrapping his arms around himself.

"Get showered," Steve told him before he moved away, taking out his phone to make a call. "We'll go down soon."

~

Danny wrapped a towel around his waist and looked in the mirror, wiping away the condensation that had gathered. He looked dog tired, it had been a long day and the mornings events seemed like days ago and not mere hours. He stood for a long time before there was a tap at the door and it pushed open a little.

"Danny? You okay?" Steve asked from the doorway, looking at him carefully.

Danny ignored him, opening the door wider and walking past to get himself fresh clothes. He frowned when he opened the wardrobe door to find shirts, trousers, t-shirts hanging inside, all recognisable. They were all his from before Victor. He was a little surprised to be faced with them and paused, reaching out to touch them.

"I told you there was a plan Danny, once we got you out," Steve explained from accross the room. "We had a suitcase of your stuff sent here, along with mine. There's other stuff belonging to you around the place, just to make it a bit more like home for you. Get dressed, I'm going to take a shower."

Danny didn't reply, just stood for a long while looking at his old clothes before he pulled out a pair of jeans and grabbed an old faded t-shirt from the pile of folded clothes on a shelf inside. He dressed quickly, finding shoes, boots and trainers in the bottom of the wardrobe and socks in the chest of drawers. He worked fast, glancing at the bathroom door which he noticed Steve had left open. Rolling his eyes he went to the bedroom door, planning on leaving but he found it locked, a keypad on the door. He couldn't even lift the key from Steve's belongings if he'd taken it. Grimacing he walked over to the balcony doors finding a similar lock on those also. He gave a grunt of annoyance and shook the handle in frustration.

"Don't even think about it Danno," Steve said lightly from behind him and Danny turned quickly to find him crossing the room to get clothes of his own.

"So, I'm a prisoner now?" Danny yelled.

"Where you planning on going?" Steve replied quietly as he dressed.

"Anywhere but here," Danny shouted. "I want out. Now."

"Well, you go out over the balcony, there's a fifty foot drop to a crevice in the valley, if you're lucky to hit it and not just fall all the way down," Steve said matter of factly, pulling on a t-shirt. "Or you use the that door and we can go down for supper. Your choice. Personally it's been a long day and I've built up an appetite."

"I told you, I'm not going too supper," Danny told him, storming over to him in a rage. "I don't want to be here, I don't want you. I want to be as far away from you as possible. This is all your fault. If you'd just left me alone, none of this would be happening. Victor would still be alive and I'd be safe, away from all of this, from you."

"You don't want to eat, you don't have too," Steve told him without retaliation. "But you're coming downstairs so I can keep an eye on you. You can't be trusted to be alone right now. They don't have screens and hidden camera's here to watch your every move."

"Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" Danny said, laughing at the absurdity of the situation. "I don't want you. I hate you, do you understand that Steven? I fucking despise you."

"Good," Steve said in reply, leaning right into him. "Hate me, despise me, I don't fucking care Danny. All it tells me is that you still at least feel something. If doing this to you means you hate me for it, then I don't care. Because I'm doing the right thing. Right now you have two choices. You stay here with me, we go have supper and you see what happens in the next few days that may change your thinking about what's happened in the last few months. Or, I take you back to Oahu and have you signed over to the court where you'll be put under twenty four hour supervision, put into a mental institution and pumped full of drugs until you don't know what you want any more and don't think it's an empty threat Danny. Either way, you're coming home with me, not back there."

Steve turned to the door and punched in a code, shielding the view with his body so Danny didn't see. As he opened the door he looked over his shoulder. "And fucking stop calling me 'Steven'."

~

Danny sat silently at the table. Al joined them as well as a woman he introduced as Laura, who was his wife. Apparently they ran the retreat and were very happy to be accomodating them. Laura was a smiliar age to her husband, hair still a rich dark mahogany, olive complexion, soft brown eyes and a permanent comforting smile.

"Won't you eat something Danny?" Laura asked, holding out the salad bowl to him.

"Not hungry," Danny said even though he was. He'd barely eaten save for the bits of bacon Victor had fed him that morning at breakfast.

"You haven't eaten all day," Steve pointed out. Danny pressed his lips together and looked away.

"It's okay," Laura said with a smile. "The fridge and cupboards are kept stocked up, so whenever you feel like it, just help yourself, day or night. I know what it's like to get the munchies at midnight."

"Kinda hard to help yourself when you're locked in a room," Danny replied snidely.

Nobody replied and the others made small talk over their meal as Danny sat, twiddling his fingers and feeling his stomach gnawing at him to eat. He poured himself a glass of water and sipped from it, looking out over the view. He wondered if what Steve had said was true. Why would they lock him up in a mental place? Why couldn't they understand he just wanted to be left alone? He felt someone nudge his arm and looked round to see Laura leaning into him with a small smile and holding out a bowl to him.

"I know you said you weren't hungry, but try a slice of my cherry pie," she said in a low voice, like she was conspiring with him and pouring a helping of cream over the slice. She held out a spoon and nodded over the lanai to a swing seat. "Go on, go eat over there. I know you don't want to be here. Well, you can't leave, but you can have some space and that seat is great for thinking."

Danny didn't reply, but the sweet smell of the pie assaulted his senses and Laura lay the spoon down, pulling away from him and leaving him be. He picked up the spoon, bowl and glass and left the table without a word, making his way to the seat she'd reccommended. Sitting down he set the glass on a table and took a mouthful of the pie. It was warm, sweet, thick round cherries bulked out the pastry and he forced himself not to hum in satisfaction. He swung back and forth gently, eating his way through the slice which had been generous and focused on the changing colours of the sky as the sun began it's slow descent.

As he sat he realised it was the first sunset he'd watched alone for a long time. Bowl empty he set it aside and curled up on the seat, mind beginning to reel over what was going to happen now. Steve seemed insistent on taking him back to Oahu, but what was there for him? All the shit and crap that he'd been taken away from all this time, why would he want to go back to it?

"Mind if I sit down?" Steve's voice interrupted his thoughts and Danny glanced up at him. Al and Laura were gone and they were alone together.

Danny didn't reply, looking away with a sharp shake of his head. He figured Steve would sit any way, it was something he did. Got into your space whether you invited him in or not. The seat shifted from the added pressure, giving a small lurch as Steve settled beside him.

"Been a long day," Steve mused quietly.

Danny ignored him. He didn't want to talk, he was used to silence, to being left alone. Solitary had become part of his life and having it taken away irritated him. Steve should understand, Victor tried to show him the same way of living. But Steve hadn't wanted it, it had all been a trick, a lie, to get to him even though Danny hadn't asked for his help. He remembered what Steve had told him, that he wanted him back. It all came down to jealousy, Victor had taken him away and Steve hadn't liked it, like a child whose toy had been taken away by another child, only Danny was the toy.

"You can't ignore me forever Danny," Steve said gently.

"I just want to be alone," Danny retorted, honest enough. It wasn't about ignoring him, it was about being left alone, to exist without having to think or converse or deal with everything crazy in the world. "You want to talk, go find Al or Laura."

A hand settled on his arm and he shivered a little from the touch.

"Look I know you don't want to be here," Steve said to him. "I know that what's happened today has been tough but you'll see Danny, we did what we needed to do to get you out."

"I didn't ask for your help," Danny told him, jerking his arm away from the touch. "Why can't you understand that? I never asked to be rescued."

Steve's hand moved and rested instead at his neck, Danny stilled under the touch. Victor used to touch him there, soothe him with fingers brushing up into his hair, a gentle petting that made him feel safe.

"You trusted me once Danno," Steve said quietly, leaning into him. "Not that long ago. All I'm asking is that you trust me again. Please."

Danny listened, relaxing as Steve's palm warmed his neck, darkness was settling in now and the porch light shone dimly nearby.

"Where are we?" Danny asked, needing some answers. "Why did you bring me here?"

"I told you," Steve explained patiently. "If I'd taken you back to Oahu, chances are they'd have taken you away and I wouldn't have been able to get you back. Not for a long time any way""

"You've got me back," Danny said, turning to look at him. Steve sat back a little, but kept his hand cradling his neck, like he needed the connection.

Steve gave a small shake of his head, "Physically yeah. But up here," he lifted his other hand and pointed to Danny's temple. "The real Danny, my Danny, is in there somewhere. I want him back. Victor didn't know you, not really. If I'd taken you back to Oahu right away, I may never have gotten you back at all and I can't lose you Danny, not again. You want me to be honest about where we are?"

Danny nodded mutely, watching Steve closely. A big part of him still suspected Steve's actions, but deep down inside, he felt the stirrings of trust he'd once had for the man. Steve could be unpredictable, had his own way of doing things, but he'd always been honest. Even when Victor had taken him in Steve had been honest with him, he'd told him straight his plans of 'rescuing' him.

"Al's a counsellor - of sorts," Steve told him, looking him straight in the eye. "He deals with people who've been taken out of situations like yours, where they've been controlled and manipulated so much they don't think for themselves, they don't believe they've been under someone else's control."

Danny rolled his eyes but Steve's fingers tightened on the back of his neck, holding him steady. "This place, it's a safe place for people to readjust. Just give him a chance okay, to talk to you. It may be we get to the end of this and you still don't believe me, him, or any of this and you want to live the existence Victor created for you, that's fair enough. All I'm asking is you give this a chance too okay? Please?"

"Okay, fine," Danny sighed, a wave of tiredness washing over him. Steve was crazy if he thought some shrink could help change his mind. Victor's way had been simple, what could be better than that?


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Danny woke to find Steve dressed and out on the balcony enjoying the early morning sun. Danny showered and dressed, emerging from the bathroom to Steve locking the balcony door and giving him a smile.

"Let's go get some breakfast," Steve said patienly, opening the main door and following Danny downstairs.

Laura was milling about in the kitchen preparing food and Danny hovered as Steve stepped in, asking if she needed help. She handed him a knife and loaf of bread and while Steve busied himself slicing, Danny slipped away from the scene. He wandered along the hall, trying to remember the rooms as Al had shown them about the night before. The living room was spacious, mismatched furniture looking comfortable and homey. A world away from the more pristine living he'd been used to with Victor. There was a den, filled with a large lumpy sofa, cushions, blankets, old boxes of board games and stacks of books littering the shelves.

Turning away he started a little, finding Al watching him from accross the room.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle you," Al said, lifting a hand.

"You think I'd left, ran away?" Danny accused, irritated at being watched. He was surprised at himself, he'd gotten so used to being watched constantly with cameras and having guards watching over him it shouldn't bother him like it did.

"No, I know you wouldn't," Al smiled gently. "This place is pretty secure."

"You realise that's a fire hazard," Danny pointed out sarcastically. Al gave a broad grin and gave a laugh.

"Yes, we know that," Al nodded as he laughed. "There are precautions in place for that scenario. How did you sleep?"

"Well enough," Danny shrugged.

"And are you eating this morning?" Al questioned, nodding in the direction of the kitchen.

"Guess so," Danny replied, putting his hand in his pockets.

"Good," Al smiled, "Then perhaps after breakfast we could talk properly?"

"You mean you get to ask me a bunch of questions and try and convince me why being held as a prisoner here is good for me," Danny said, crossing the room to leave.

"Victor managed to convince you of the same thing not so long ago," Al pointed out to him as he neared. He held Danny's gaze for a long pause. "Only difference is here, we don't force or coerce, we just talk."

Danny didn't reply, brushing past him and walking back to the kitchen where Laura was piling bacon onto a plate. Al followed him in and Danny instinctively moved away towards Steve. Al unnerved him and he would prefer not to be around the man. Steve turned to him, giving a smile and handing him plates to put on the table.

They all sat together and Danny was silent again as the others spoke about things he didn't really understand. He frowned listening, realising it was stories of events that had been happening that he had no idea about. He picked up his cup, taking a sip and setting it down with a grimace.

"Everything okay Danny?" Laura asked, she was sat opposite him and he realised she was watching him intently.

"Been a while since I drank coffee," Danny replied, frowning at his cup. "I'll just have water."

Laura smiled, pouring him a glass from the jug on the table and setting it before him. Danny bit into his bacon and paused again, realising the last time he'd eaten bacon was when Victor had fed him only the day before. Now Victor was dead and Danny felt a sickness in his stomach at the idea. In all the commotion that had happened in the last twenty four hours or so, so much had changed. He felt dizzy and leaned over the table, head in his hand. He thought back to the day before, kneeling by Victor, everything so calm and peaceful.

Now he couldn't think straight.

"Danny?" Steve asked, turning to him, hand on his shoulder in concern.

Danny shook his head, sitting up and standing quickly.

"I just, I just need a minute," Danny muttered, leaving the table and striding accross the room.

"Danny, wait," Steve said and he could hear them all talking behind him.

All talking, noise, chatter, he needed some peace. Needed to be alone. Why couldn't they leave him alone? He kept moving, quickly, up the stairs to his room, the door was ajar and he went in, slamming it closed and looked around, head thrumming like he was getting a headache. He put his hands to his face and breathed slowly, think, think, he needed to be quiet and calm. He knew what to do and moving to the middle of the room, he got to his knees quickly, hands on his thighs, swallowing down and settling his breathing as he closed his eyes.

He just needed everything to stop. For a moment it did, everything quiet and peaceful. Then footsteps on the landing stopping by his door, some scuffling then the door was opened.

More silence.

"Danny," Al said quietly. Danny squeezed his eyes closed, hoping for the peace to come back that he'd momentarily had. Al crouched close, hands on his arms. "Danny what are you doing?"

"I just need to be still, just need to be quiet," Danny whispered back under his breath.

"Okay," Al said softly. "Okay you need time to yourself yes?"

"Yeah," Danny nodded.

"Okay, well, why don't you do that sitting by the window hmm?" Al suggested. "It's more comfortable there. Nice big easy chair, a beautiful view. I can bring you up a book to read if you like, you like reading, Steve told me."

"I'm fine here," Danny replied with a shake of his head.

"It's a wood floor and you've got a bad knee," Al said, pulling at him gently. "Steve told me that too. Come on, stand up and come over to the chair with me. You can have all the time you need, but not like this Danny. You don't need to be here like this."

Danny opened his eyes, shoulders slumped as Al looked at him with gentle eyes. Danny realised Al understood him, understood he needed time and reluctantly got to his feet, going to the chair as Al guided him.

"There, that's better," Al said as he sat, sinking into the softness. "I'll go get some books. I'm going to leave the door open and Steve's going to be right outside if you need someone. We'll talk later okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Danny nodded, not really paying him attention, curling up into the chair and leaning his head back, closing his eyes.

He sat for a long time alone, memories of Victor chasing through his mind. Their first time together, the way Victor had lain claim to him, not once but twice that first time. Victor's passion, his anger, his touch and the frustrations of feeling abandoned when Victor had left him for long periods. The surprise when Steve had burst through his door.

Danny jerked up in his chair, sitting up and realizing he'd fallen asleep. He looked about, books were now on the table beside him along with a glass of water and a plate of cookies. Looking around, the room was empty but out beyond the door in the hall, Steve sat on the floor, reading as he leaned back against the rail, cushion behind him. Danny reached out and picked up the glass, taking a long drink before setting it down.

He looked outside, it was a cloudless day and the sun was high in the sky. He wondered how long he'd been alone, shifting in his seat. He heard rustling behind him and looked to see Steve standing and walking in slowly, seeing him awake.

"How you feeling?" Steve asked cautiously.

"Fine I guess," Danny shrugged, stretching out before he stood up. He picked up a cookie off the plate, taking a bite and chewing, the taste of cinammon hit his senses.

"You want something to eat?" Steve asked him. "You didn't eat much at breakfast."

"Yeah," Danny nodded, the cookie not filling the hunger beginning to develop. His stomach ached for a decent meal. He crossed the room to Steve, pausing by him. "Hey Steve, do you think - do you think I could get a watch?"

Steve looked at him in surprise before his mouth curled into a smile. "Sure Danny, here."

Danny watched as Steve unstrapped his own, holding it out to him. "Have this one for now."

"But what will you use?" Danny asked with a frown.

"If I need the time I'll ask you," Steve grinned. "Here."

He pulled at Danny's hand for him to hold out his wrist and put the watch on him. "There you go. Now let's go raid the pantry."

Laura was true to her word, the cupboards were stocked and Steve sat down at the table, leaving Danny to get his own food. Danny spied various items that he enjoyed, his diet with Victor had been pretty strict and boring in terms of what he'd eaten, especially alone. There had been times with Victor he'd been treated to steak and such like, but it was a rare occasion. Finally he sat down with a generous plate, glancing at Steve who just looked at the mound of food and smiled, pulling the paper over to him.

"Enjoy Danno," Steve laughed as Danny got stuck in.

Laura found them as Danny was finishing up, looking over the mess on the counter. "I see you've been exploring the cupboards," she said with a laugh.

Danny sat back, looking at the mess himself with a downcast face and standing quickly, "Yeah, sorry, I'll clean up."

"Don't worry about it," Laura said, patting him on the arm. "The food is there to be eaten and I need to get you bulked up. Too skinny."

She gave him a small prod in the side, laughing again. "We'll clean up together."

It was quick work and as Laura wiped down the table she gave Steve a smile. "Steve, would you mind taking out the trash? Danny, Al would like to talk to you. He's in the den."

Danny felt a touch of nervousness as she said that and paused by Steve's chair. Steve stood up and put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay Danny. He just wants to talk is all," Steve assured him. "Go on. I'll be right here if you need me."

Al was sitting in the den perusing a file when Danny appeared, warily standing in the doorway.

"Hi Danny," Al said, sitting up and waving to the couch for him to sit. "How are you feeling now?"

"Fine I guess," Danny shrugged. "I just had lunch."

Al smiled and nodded his head. "You want to talk about what happened at breakfast?"

"I just needed some time alone," Danny told him as he sat down, close to the edge in case he needed to leave again quickly.

"On your knees?" Al asked as if needing to understand.

"It's what I do," Danny shrugged, not looking at him properly.

"Okay," Al nodded carefully. "Well, I want you to try something while you're here. Any time you need time out, time alone, just tell someone, me, Steve, Laura, just so we know you need space. Then go some place, somewhere comfortable, like by the window in your room, in here, out on the lanai. You choose where you want to go and I want you to be comfortable. So you choose how to be comfortable, sitting, or maybe you want to stand or maybe you want to lie down."

"What if I want to kneel?" Danny asked him, glancing at him for a reaction. Al gave a small inclination of his head, giving a wry smile.

"As long as you make the conscious decision to kneel," Al said to him, "Then kneel. But it has to be your choice Danny. If that means you say it quietly and honestly to yourself out loud, 'I'm choosing to sit, lie down, stand here, kneel' then do it, but I want it to be your decision. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, I get it," Danny nodded in agreement.

Al sat back in his chair and opened up the file he was holding, picking something out. He held it up, a photograph and Danny glanced at it. Even with the distance between them he found the picture familiar. He leaned forward, peering as a jolt of excitement sparked through him. It was a picture of himself and Grace.

"In preparing to have you brought here we wanted you surrounded by familiar things from home," Al informed him. "Steve worked hard putting things together, especially your personal items. We didn't want to bombard you with a lot of visual things, not at first. Over the next week or so, you're going to have a tough time Danny, I need to be honest about that. There'll be times you get angry, upset, you'll cry, you'll laugh, you'll get frustrated. But hopefully, you'll begin to understand what's happened to you and why you're being here is important. For now I'm going to give you this photograph, I have more but I think for now this will suffice."

Danny reached out for the photograph but Al shook his head and sat back with it in his hand.

"First, let's talk about when you were first taken," Al asked again. "What went on? Explain it to me."

"I don't remember," Danny said frustrated, sitting back himself, his eyes on the photograph Al held.

"I'll give you this if you talk about it," Al promised him. "You need to talk about it Danny. Steve has told me what happened to him, but it was different for you. Tell me."

"Why? Why do you want to know?" Danny asked, running a hand over his face.

"I want to understand what happened to you," Al replied. "It will help me help you."

"I told you I don't want help," Danny said with a roll of his eyes.

"Please," Al said gently. "Just tell me what you remember, about the beginning."

Danny sighed heavily and looked over the room to the window, casting his mind back.

"I woke up in my room," he said after a long pause. "I was groggy, they must have drugged me."

"What was the room like?" Al asked him.

Danny shrugged and looked at him. "Four walls, cream coloured. A bed, a table, the lights and the screen. The door was always locked and there were no windows."

"And how long were you kept in there?" Al asked him. "A few days? A week?"

"I don't know," Danny shrugged. "That was my room. For however long we were in the first house before we went to the big place."

"You had no sense of time?" Al asked carefully.

"No, I didn't have a watch, a clock. No window to tell me it was night or day. Victor didn't like me asking about the time, he said it wasn't important." As Danny spoke he rested his fingers on the watch around his wrist. It felt strange but good to wear one again.

"So you don't have any idea how long you were with Victor?" Al continued.

"No," Danny shook his head. "Steve said it was months. It doesn't matter any way."

"It was a little over seven months and it does matter, " Al explained to him. "Tell me about the screen Danny."

"It was set in the wall," Danny told him. "It was how they watched over me."

"Watched over you?" Al asked, wanting him to explain.

"Yeah, to make sure I behaved," Danny explained. "I'm not sure towards the end they were always watching me but at the start they needed too."

"Why?" Al asked.

"Because I didn't behave," Danny pointed out like it was a stupid question. "I had to learn how to behave, for Victor, so he'd be pleased with me."

"And how did they get you to behave? What did you have to do to keep Victor happy with you?"

"I had to stop thinking," Danny said. "Stop moving, thinking, stop all the crazy chaos."

"The 'crazy chaos'?" Al repeated. "What chaos?"

Danny scowled and shook his head. "You don't understand."

"I'm trying too," Al replied gently. "But I can't if you don't explain it to me. Let's not jump too far ahead okay? Why don't you explain to me how they got you to behave. Can you remember how it began?"

"The music," Danny said with a grimace, remembering the steady beat of the music, constantly beating and throbbing, making his head pound. "When I didn't do what I was told, they turned the music on. Sometimes I got myself into trouble, that earned me longer periods with the music. Sometimes I had to beg them to stop it."

"And did they stop it? When you begged?" Al encouraged.

"Sometimes," Danny said in thought. "I guess."

"You guess?" Al repeated with a raised brow.

"Yeah, it all depended on what I'd done wrong, what I was being punished for," Danny shrugged.

Al didn't say anything for a moment or two and Danny shifted in his chair, looking at him warily.

"Tell me about your involvement with Victor at the beginning," Al said gently. "Did you see him often at the start?"

"No," Danny shook his head. "I think I was there a while before he saw me. Before that I'd been put into my routine, I guess so he wouldn't have to train me personally."

"Can you remember the first meeting with Victor?"

Danny thought back, pursing his lips. The memory was vague, it had been a time when he'd resented Victor, hated him even. Before Victor had explained to him why he was making him do things like the kneeling and the being still. Victor had slowly made him understand how much better his life would be just focusing on one person. If he focused on Victor only, then Victor would take care of everything else.

"Yeah I remember," Danny nodded slowly. "I was angry then, at him, with him. With what was happening. Because I didn't understand. Victor helped me understand."

"Are you sure about that?" Al asked him carefully.

"About what?" Danny asked with a frown.

"That you were angry because you didn't understand," Al explained. "Are you sure that was why you were angry? Weren't you angry because you knew, deep down, that what they were doing to you was wrong? That it was something you didn't want but were being forced to endure? The torture, the torment and the fact Victor was holding you prisoner."

Danny didn't reply, looking away and feeling uncomfortable. "Yeah I guess, but that was because I didn't understand. It wasn't like that, not really."

"Victor Hesse captured you, held you against your will, tortured you, forced you to live a certain way but it was all for your own good?" Al said to him gently. "Can you see how difficult that is for me or anyone to understand Danny?"

"You weren't there, you don't know," Danny shook his head at him. "I know what you're trying to do."

"And what is that Danny?" Al asked him.

"You're trying to make me hate him," Danny said, a surge of anger running through him at the idea.

"You used to hate him Danny," Al pointed out. "Victor Hesse was a murderer, he murdered your best friends father and countless others. He was a terrorist, he hurt people, he hurt you. Victor Hesse was an evil man, you know that. The kind of person you'd made a career out of arresting, locking up, protecting the world from."

"I want to go back to my room," Danny said suddenly standing up. "I don't want to talk anymore."

"All right," Al agreed, standing also. "But we will talk later. Think about what I've said Danny. And I want you to think back to the beginning when you were first taken, I want you to remember how you really felt those first times in your room, when they did things to you. Next time we talk, I want you to be honest with me about how you felt then okay?"

Danny didn't reply, turning to leave before Al stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Here," Al said, holding out the photograph to him. "I told you you could have this remember?"

Danny snatched the photo off him like he were going to withdraw the offer. Al watched him leave the room and Danny headed for the stairs, vaguely aware Steve was following him. In their room Danny crossed to the balcony window, sitting in the easy chair and finally allowing himself to look at the photograph.

Grace's face beamed out to him, the familiar smile, the sparkling wide eyes, her laughter captured in the picture as he held her in his arms. He frowned, trying to remember what her laughter sounded like but he couldn't conjure the sound very well, like the memory of it was stuck somewhere far away in his mind. His heart thumped hard in his chest and his throat hurt as a lump formed, tears welling in his eyes.

Seven months Al had told him. Seven months of hiding his little girl, her memories, his thoughts of her, all locked away inside him because he hadn't wanted Victor to taint them. In all that time, he'd barely spoken of her and towards the end even thought about her. Danny didn't understand why but his stomach ached and he held the photograph so hard in his hands it began to crumple. The crying hit him suddenly, like a blow to the stomach and he bent over, sobbing, feeling a kind of pain he couldn't quite describe, unsure where the grief was emanating from.

He was vaguely aware of a hand on his back, stroking up and down calmly as he cried, tormented with feelings. Guilty for hiding her away, guilty for betraying Victor after all he'd done for him. Victor had said she'd be happy, with Rachel and Stan, a family unit, something he couldn't give her. A memory came back to him, the first time he was brought to Victor, promising himself he wouldn't speak of Grace. Not Grace, not with him, Victor could take everything else away but not her. Why had he done that? Why would he think such a thing? Victor, who was trying to help him, show him another way of living, a simpler way. Why would he need to hide Grace, his memories and thoughts of her away if Victor were so good to him? Why had he felt he needed to protect that part of himself so strongly?

The crying turned to exhaustion and he was aware Steve put an arm around him, getting him to his feet and taking to him to his bed instead. He didn't resist, laying out as Steve took off his boots, tucked his feet under the covers and pulled the sheet over him.

"Get some sleep Danno," Steve told him, propping the picture up by the lamp on the bedside cabinet.

He closed his eyes, Steve's hand on his shoulder, soothing him into sleep.

When he woke up, Steve was on the balcony. Danny padded out to him, photograph in hand, breathing in the fresh air and staring out over the scenery. It was a beautiful spot, there'd been a sudden storm between the hours of his sleeping and everything was damp, the leaves of the trees dripping and humidity on the air.

The rain made everything clean and clear.

"Can we go for a walk?" Danny asked as he stood leaning on the rail. "Been a long time since I went for a walk outside."

"I'll ask Al," Steve said in reply, standing up. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," Danny replied, turning, holding up the photo. "This is an old one. Did you bring any recent ones? Has she changed much? She must have grown. She's a kid, kids grow quick over months, she must have grown, seven months is a long time."

Steve went to him, concern on his face and resting a hand on his arm. "Slow down Danny. Yeah, she's grown, just a little. But it's been a few months since I saw her now too remember?"

Danny realised he didn't know how long Steve had been with Victor, but it must have been a long time also. He looked at his watch, twisting his mouth as he took in the time. He'd slept for four hours straight. He glanced up at Steve again.

"Victor said she'd be happier with Stan and Rachel," he said to him. "That's her family now. Kids learn to move on. She won't be missing me now."

Steve looked at him in surprise before he lifted his hands, cupping his face with them and holding him steady so he could look him in the eye. "I know Al wants to go through this process slow, but I need you to know something, to understand something Danny. Not a day went by I didn't talk to Grace about you. She always missed you."

"She thinks I'm dead," Danny said, trying to pull away. "They had a service remember, you told me that."

"She knows different now," Steve assured him, not letting go. "As soon as the rescue plan got underway Rachel was informed about what was happening, that you were still alive, Chin is keeping her up to date. She won't have kept the truth from her, she knows how much Grace has missed you all this time. We let her have the service because we needed Hesse to think we'd lost hope of finding you."

"She won't ever understand why it had to be the way it was," Danny sighed. "She'll hate me for choosing him."

"As far as she's concerned, her dad was kidnapped by a bad man and held as his prisoner. That we didn't know until later on," Steve said, pulling back, hands on Danny's shoulders now. "All she'll be thinking and wondering about is when her Danno is coming home to her. That's up to you Danny. You keep saying you don't want to go back. Well there's a little girl waiting for you, been missing you for seven months, been struggling to deal without her dad there for her, thinking you were dead, secretly believing you weren't. She told me that, the night before the rescue plan went into action, I went to see her, to say goodbye, because I didn't know how it would end. She said she didn't believe you were dead, no matter how much people were telling her otherwise. She's a clever kid Danny, got a sense about things. Are you going to dissapoint her by not coming home when we're finished here?"

"What am I supposed to say to her?" Danny said, pulling away sadly.

"The truth," Steve told him, pulling him towards the bedroom so he could lock the door. "You just have to figure out what the truth is for yourself. That's why we're here."


	3. Chapter 3

The four of them took a walk, following a trail that led away from the cabin and further up the mountain, valley and scenery on one side stretching for miles and dense vegetation on the other. Al and Laura walked ahead, Steve stayed by Danny but they didn't talk, Danny was caught up in his thoughts again. He found himself confused with his feelings, still yearning to be gone from the place and back with Victor yet part of him wanted to remain where he was. He knew Steve was partly watching him in case he took off, but even he knew he wouldn't get far, with a steep drop on his left and thick jungle to his right. The feeling of flight was starting to dissipate, even if he did 'escape' where would he go?

His mind kept reeling back over the last few days, how changed everything was. During the night he'd had nightmares, finding Victor dead by the pool, blood on his hands. At one point he'd jerked violently awake, rubbing his temple where he'd pressed the cool metal muzzle of the gun to his head and pulled the trigger. Only in his nightmares there was gun shot where in reality there'd been a dull click of an empty barrel. He shuddered and rubbed his hand over the side of his face, like the cool touch had imprinted itself onto his skin. Had he become so reliant on Victor, so dependant on him that his own survival, his life, had become so easily sacrificed?

"You okay?" Steve said, interrupting his thoughts. Danny blinked, realising he'd come to a halt, caught up in his thoughts and Steve was watching him cautiously.

"Yeah, sorry, just thinking," Danny nodded, moving on again. Up ahead he noted Al and Laura had also paused to look back at them.

"Want to talk about it?" Steve asked him, falling into step by him again.

"No," Danny said quickly, pressing is lips together. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to bring the subject up with Steve. Another thing he had dreamed out, been haunted with the memory of, was Steve's face when he'd put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger. The look of horror, dissolving to relief as he launched into action. He'd jumped forward, knocking him down, wrestling the gun from his hands. Danny hadn't put up much of a fight. He knew it was all over, no more Victor, no more anything. Soon after he'd been bundled into the car and Steve had begun to drive, brought him here.

Dann frowned and paused again, turning to him.

"How'd they know?" Danny asked, motioning to Al and Laura.

"What?" Steve asked, brow furrowing as he tried to follow the question.

"How did Al and Laura know we were coming? How did they know to be prepared for this? All my clothes, my stuff, your stuff -," Danny shrugged.

Steve smiled and put a hand on his shoulder, getting him to walk again. "All part of the plan Danno."

"But how did you -," Danny started, trying to figure it out in his head. "You were locked up, kept under surveillance."

"You think we came up with all of this in a few hours?" Steve questioned with a shake of his head. "Danny, the plan went into action as soon as I left Oahu to come get you. We knew there was a chance I'd be caught, so we had a back up option. I knew Victor wouldn't kill me outright, he'd enjoy torturing me first. It wasn't expecting resistance from you to leave but at least you appealed to him to keep me alive. I just had to play along and make him think what he was doing was working on me until the right oppurtunity came along to finish the mission."

"But how did you even come up with a rescue mission?" Danny said, struggling to understand. "How did you know where to find me?"

"Easy," Steve grinned. "We had someone on the inside. Took a while at first, trying to piece together what had happened, especially when you were first taken. Eventually we found out where you were being held but had no idea what we were dealing with and we knew it was too dangerous to storm in. Then you provided the perfect oppurtunity to get to someone inside and use them to our advantage."

They came to clearing high up on the trail, a large open space overlooking the valley. Al and Laura neared the edge and sat on some boulders that lay there. Danny thought back over his time with Victor, of how things had been at the beginning. He looked up at Steve, realisation coming to him.

"The doc," Danny said, figuring it out before Steve could explain further. "You used the doc to feed you information."

Steve grinned and patted him on the shoulder. "Very good Detective. The doctor was in Victor's pocket, we just needed some leverage to get him on our side. It's amazing what Kono and Chin will uncover when they put their minds to it and the good doctor had quite a few skeletons in hs closet, some not very well hidden. Things got stalled when Victor moved you to a new location, but again, we were able to use the doc to keep us in the loop. I guess I didn't believe him when he said Victor had turned you, but after he tried the same shit out on me, I can understand what you did to survive. It isn't weakness Danny."

Danny stood back a little, like he'd been slapped and Steve winced himself at his words.

"No, it isn't weakness," Danny shook his head in agreement. "And it wasn't survival. Can't you understand? Can't you see? It was a simpler way to be. He showed me that. I didn't understand at the beginning but towards the end, I got it, I got how perfect it could be living like that."

Steve shook his head also, stepping closer and reaching out a hand, cupping his cheek. "You did what you had to do to survive Danny. You may not believe that, but deep down you know it's true. You just have to remember when you made that choice. Comply or die."

Danny grimaced, pulling away and walking to where Al and Laura sat. For the rest of their time outside he didn't talk to anyone and when they returned to the cabin, he went straight to his room to be alone. He heard footsteps on the stairs and he glanced behind, seeing Al following him upwards at a safe distance.

"I'm just going to my room to sit for a while," Danny informed him.

"All right," Al replied with a small nod of his head. "Leave the door open, please."

Danny did, going to the chair, kicking off his shoes and curling up in it. He thought about his conversation with Steve, digging into his pocket and pulling out the picture of Grace. It was crumpled now after only a few hours, but he didn't care. He stared at it for a long time, taking in her features then turning his attention to his own face reflected back. As he studied the picture his mind whirred and he stood, going into the bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror and stared at his reflection, he looked different. He'd lost weight, his hair was shorter, a different style now since he'd been living with Victor. He lifted up the photograph like he could compare himself. Never mind his daughter changing in seven months, he'd changed a whole lot. Would she even recognise him as her father?

Steve came into view behind him, tapping on the door frame. "Laura says supper will be ready in a half hour. What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Danny said, dropping his hand and looking away.

"You're still in there Danny," Steve said without moving. "Just going to take some time for you to figure that out."

They had supper out on the lanai again that evening and Danny ate rather than scowling and ignoring everyone. He didn't enter into conversation much though, save for when Laura asked him how the food was and seeing if he was okay every few minutes. If she didn't ask him, then she'd reach out and pat his arm or rest her hand over his, giving his fingers a quick squeeze before she continued eating or talking. After they'd finished and the meal had settled, he got to his feet when she began clearing the dishes, following her into the kitchen.

"So, do you and Al live here?" he asked quietly as he scraped scraps into the trash.

She paused and gave him a smile, piling up the dirty plates for him to rinse when he was done.

"Sometimes, yes," she nodded in reply. "Our time is divided between here and the city, depending on who needs our help and attention."

"Attention?" Danny asked with a small frown. It was still yet to be explained to him just who exactly Al and Laura were.

"Yes," she said, coming to stand by him and resting a hand on his arm. "Our help if you will. When we began piecing together the details of your situation we thought it best to have you brought here rather than right back into the city. You need to come to terms with what's happened in a calm, safe and serene environment. You've been through a traumatic experience."

"It's a nice place," Danny offerred, turning to the sink and rinsing off plates. "So what is it you and Al actually do?"

"We're counsellors," Laura told him. "Don't worry, we're not some quacks Steve picked up on a street corner. We have credentials if you want to look at them but, well, we have a certain unique perspective Danny, on situations like yours."

"How do you mean?" Danny asked, watching as she began stacking the dishwasher.

She stood straighter with a smile, taking a plate from him.

"Have you ever heard of 'exit counsellors'?" She asked him. Danny shook his head in reply.

"It's an old term used for people in our 'field' of work," Laura continued to explain. "Not really used these days but it fits our role well enough. We work closely with people who have come our from unique, controlled environments, such as cults. In a way we are the first stepping stone for them to fit back into society. Not all the people who come to us are from cults and sects but most are. A few come to us from abusive relationships, ones where the control has been a very intense part of their life. Think of us as psychologists within a certain specialist field."

"What, you find many people wandering out of cults and into your front yard in Oahu?" Danny asked with a small smile.

Laura grinned and put an arm around his shoulder, giving him a squeeze. "You'd be surprised at the people who contact us, and how far they will travel for our kind of help. Often we're contacted by families who think a family member is being coerced into a cult and are looking for help and advice. Others who have come to a realisation about the people they are involved with and need some clarity. Some people just need some place safe to deal with their thoughts, their feelings if they manage to remove themselves. For some the effects of their situation remain with them for years, we simply provide a haven for them to escape to when they need, with people who understand what they are going through."

"What makes you two experts?" Danny asked skeptically.

"I was brought up in a cult, my mother, she ran away with me when I was eleven," Laura told him honestly. "And Al, Al was coerced into one when he was nineteen. He was in it for many years until his family forcibly removed him from the situation, with the help of some exit counsellors, as they were called then. They managed to help him see what was happening in his life was wrong and he decided he wanted to do the same thing, help people in similar situations. So here we are."

"And you think you can help me?" Danny asked her. "Shouldn't I want to be helped before you get to work on me?"

Laura smiled again, closing the dishwasher door and coming to lean on the counter by his side. "We're here to help clarify things. The way I see it, you should be free to make your own choices in life Danny. So the way you want to live now, is that a concious decision or something someone has convinced you of? When you make a choice or think about things, is it you or are you always thinking 'what would Victor think? What would Victor say?'. I know you weren't brought here of your own volition, but we just want to give you the chance to make your own choices, freely. Understand?"

"Yeah I guess," Danny nodded, moving as she began wiping down the counter top. "Al said the same thing too, about making my own choices."

"You're a grown up, a free man, with a free will," Laura said with a nod. "Nobody has a right to take that away from you."

"But he made it so easy," Danny said quietly in thought, leaning on the back of a kitchen chair.

"What was that?" Laura asked not hearing him.

"Nothing," Danny replied shaking his head. "Thanks, I think I'm going to go read for a little while."

"Okay," Laura nodded, smiling as he left to go to the den.

As he looked through the books on the shelves Steve joined him, sitting down quietly and watching him. Danny ignored him, becoming used to his silent watchdog like he did with Huggy and Mo. Only Steve wasn't his guard, not really, Steve was his friend. There used to be a time they were best friends, maybe even something more if the timing had been different, if Victor hadn't taken him away. Danny was aware there was a barrier there now, where once there used to be an easy going relationship. He felt something deep inside wanting that closeness back. He glanced around at Steve, expecting to find him still watching but Steve had turned his attention to a book.

"Good book?" Danny asked and Steve looked up at him with slight surprise that he as actually attempting conversation.

"Yeah, I suppose," Steve nodded. "The writer is an ex marine turned author so I guess he's gotten most of the facts right and it isn't a far fetched plot. Not sure it's your kind of thing though."

"How would you know?" Danny asked, but with a smile, grabbing a book and sitting down beside him.

"You're more of a classic action adventure kind of guy," Steve informed him. "You forget I've seen your Ian Flemming collection remember?"

Danny half smiled and read the blurb on the back of the book he'd picked up. He ignored the way his stomach had flipped when he'd seen books on the shelves that were the ones Victor used to bring him. With a sigh he curled his feet up on the couch and relaxed, reading the first few pages to see if it would tip his interest.


	4. Chapter 4

Al had more photographs to give him, some up to date pictures of Grace, as well as old photos of himself, some with family and friends from back in Jersey as well as of the team. Al lay them all out before him on the kitchen table as they talked over coffees the next day on the afternoon.

"Did you think about what I said," Al said as Danny looked at the photographs, spreading them out before him. "About when you were first kidnapped? Can you remember much of it?"

Danny picked up a picture of himself, Grace and Steve and sat back. It had been taken by Kono on a day when they'd all gone surfing together. They'd all messed each others hair up from their time in the water and put on goofy faces for the photograph. Danny stared at it for a long time before looking at Al to acknowledge him.

"They didn't ever tell me where I was or who was holding me," Danny informed him. "I think I kind of figured it was Victor but they never said it. I didn't truly know until they took me to see him. But I think it was some time before I saw him."

"Did you ever interact with anyone before Victor?" Al asked with a small nod, encouraging him to continue.

"Just my guards, 'Huggy' and 'Mo'," Danny explained. "They weren't their real names, it was just what I called them. Huggy because he was this real big, heavy set guy you know? And Mo because I just thought of him as a stooge, a goon, get it? We didn't get on."

"Why not?" Al asked, smiling as Danny opened up.

"When I was first taken, I was looking for a way to get out," Danny told him. "So I ended up in a fight with them. At first they kept me locked up, put a belt on me, you know with cuffs? Like the ones used in prisons but without the ankle brackets. Only time they untied my hands was to let me eat or use the bathroom. At first I wasn't allowed to wash either, then just a shower every now and then. I figured it wasn't daily by how much facial hair I had between shaving."

"So did Huggy or Mo ever talk to you or enter into conversation with you?" Al asked him as Danny leaned forward and looked over the photographs again.

"No, I didn't have any conversations with anyone," Danny said with a shake of his head. "Except for the controller, the guy giving me orders from the screen. But mostly that was only if they asked me a question they wanted an answer too."

He lay the picture down he'd been holding and picked up another, this one was of Grace, one he hadn't seen before and she looked a little different. It was obviously recent. He decided to ask Steve later if he knew when it had been taken.

"Danny," Al said to get his attention, leaning on the table with his elbows, hands clasped together in front of him. "Can you understand how they manipulated your environment to make you reliant on them?"

Danny paused and looked up at him, sitting back a little, feeling slightly wary. It was like he understood what Al was saying but he felt defensive about how he'd been living, as if Al was implying something he didn't want to agree with, even if what he was saying made sense.

"It was always going to be difficult at first," Danny said to him. "I struggled and fought it for a long time."

Al looked at him with a gentle knowing expression and gave a small nod. "They created a bubble for you to exist in Danny. A bubble in which only you existed, then Victor. They slowly formed that bubble around you, broke you down enough to convince you that being there was better than living your life. I should know, it happened to me. Oh of course, not the exact circumstances, in my case I was surrounded by hundreds of people all convincing me how they lived was right, how I used to live was wrong. That I'd been dissillusioned by society. I lived in a bubble, to the point I was convinced that if I left, if I allowed myself to be drawn away, that bad things would happen to me. It was their way or no way. I know right now things are confusing, that you feel maybe we're accusing you of something or judging you. We aren't, I'm not. I just want you to be you Danny, thinking for yourself and making your own choices. Not how you think Victor would want you to make a choice."

Danny frowned, brow furrowing as he thought back. Seven months. He wondered how long it had been before he'd been taken to Victor. Time had spun into a web and he had no way of knowing just how long he'd been kept in his solitary confinement before Victor appeared. He remembered how much he'd begun to rely on Victor's visits, needing the interaction.

"It got easier when Victor began to see me," Danny said to him. "The struggle then was getting through the times inbetween before I saw him again."

"That's understandable. They kept you alone, you're existence was in a box, on your knees, being told when to eat, when to sleep, when to wash, everything under their supervision. The only person to give you attention was Victor, so his visits would have been precious to you. We need human interaction Danny. The environment you were kept in meant when he allowed you to see him, you became reliant on him, he would have known that. Did it ever become a hard struggle, waiting to see him?"

"Yeah, sometimes," Danny nodded in quiet reply. "One time I got real mad, put up a fight because I was frustrated, I didn't want to comply any more. I got punished pretty bad for that. They tied me up and played the music for a long time. Victor wasn't happy when I saw him next."

He shuddered and wrapped his arms around himself, feeling he was somehow betraying Victor by being so open and honest. He glanced at Al who was watching him intently and for a long time they were silent.

"Okay I think we've talked enough for now," Al said softly with a smile. "You know Danny if there's anything you want to talk about with me, about your time with Victor, anything at all, you don't have to wait for me to ask questions. I want you to be as open and honest with me as you can."

Danny looked at him and loosened the hold he had around himself. "After we've talked, do you - do you tell Steve anything, about what we talk about?"

Al shook his head quickly. "No. Steve understands what we say together in these - sessions - is private. What you two discuss, what you choose to tell him or talk about is up to you. But I won't disclose anything to anyone Danny, you have my word on that. I would encourage you to talk to him about your experience, you two are friends, very good close friends I know and he only wants to help you."

"I know," Danny nodded, rubbing a finger against one of the pictures before him. "It's just, some of the stuff between me and Victor. I don't want him knowing some stuff. I mean I know he knows, we, you know, slept together, but I don't want him knowing too much about it."

"All right," Al nodded. "I think that's a good decision Danny. But you may want to say as much to Steve or at least try and explain in some way why you feel that way, just so he understands. And I take it that means you have some things you want to talk about, concerning your more intimate relationship with Victor?"

"Maybe," Danny nodded, gathering up with pictures. He couldn't look Al in the eye and Al leaned over, patting his hand.

"Well, remember what I said, come to me if you want to talk," Al assured him. "You don't have to wait for these daily sessions."

"Yeah, thanks," Danny said, pulling away. "Think I'm gonna take these upstairs, be alone for a while."

He stood quickly, photos in hand.

"Okay, see you later Danny," Al said, sitting back in his chair.

"Later," Danny said, making a quick exit. He made his way upstairs, leaving the door open and sitting on his bed, laying the pictures down to look over, picking them up one by one. He wans't sure why he'd brought up his sexual relationship with Victor and felt uncomfortable for broaching the subject. It confused him that he'd felt the need to mention it, even just in passing. But he knew he definitely didn't want Steve knowing any of the details.

~

He woke with a jolt, it was the middle of the night and he frowned, wondering what had woken him. It hadn't been a dream or a nightmare of his own and he rolled onto his back, rubbing his eyes tiredly in confusion. As he lay he heard sounds, heavy breathing and realised it was Steve who had woken him. Sitting up he listened, eyes edjusting a little to the darkness, peering over at Steve's bed. It was Steve who was having the dream or nightmare, troubled in his sleep.

Danny pushed away the sheets, turned on the bedside light with a wince and got up, going over to him. Steve was sheened in sweat, face grimacing, body tense and soft mutterings escaped him through gritted teeth.

"Steve," Danny said, leaning over to him and resting a hand on his arm carefully, trying to wake him. Steve didn't respond to him and he shook him a little harder to wake him. "Steve, wake up."

Steve did wake, eyes flying open in alarm, body jerking in shock and he sprang up, hand gripping around Danny's arm painfully. Danny put a hand on his chest, feeling the other mans heart beating madly under his palm.

"Hey it's okay, you were dreaming," Danny assured him as Steve sucked in harsh breaths. "You're okay."

Steve looked at him with a painful expression, hand sliding up to rest on his cheek and he gave a silent nod before he pulled away, sliding out of the bed and padding over to the bathroom.

"Steve?" Danny asked curiously.

"I'm okay," Steve said hoarsely, shutting the door firmly behind him.

Danny was confused, wondering what had been haunting Steve's dreams to make him sleep as he was. Why he didn't want to talk about it. Danny sat for a long time waiting for him to come out and when he didn't, he felt a small flurry of anger. These last few days all anybody had wanted him doing was talk, it wasn't fair that Steve clamped up about what was troubling him. Danny stood and went to the bathroom door, banging quickly on it with his fist.

"Steve, you okay?" he asked, leaning against the door, trying to listen to what he was doing beyond.

"I'm fine," Steve's muffled reply came back. "Go back to bed."

"Want to talk about it?" Danny asked, waiting, refusing to let it go. He was too awake to go back to sleep now anyway.

Silence. He waited a minute before he rapped on the door again.

"Steve?"

"I said go back to bed Danny," Steve snapped back.

"Not until you tell me what you were dreaming about," Danny said, shaking his head though Steve couldn't see him. "It's shook you up. Talk to me."

Silence again. Danny rolled his eyes and stepped back, hand on the handle, waiting to give Steve a chance but when no reply came he opened the door, pushing it wide. Steve was bent over the sink, tap running from splashing his face with water, drops had caught in his hair. Steve turned the tap off quickly and grabbed a towel, scrubbing it over his face and turning to Danny angrily. Danny was surprised at the anger and stepped back as Steve stepped past him, turning out the bathroom light and heading back to his bed.

"Steve, whats going on?" Danny asked.

"Nothing Danno," Steve growled under his breath. "I'm going back to sleep. Sorry I woke you."

"I'll keep asking until you talk to me," Danny informed him, following him to the bed. He reached out a hand, resting it on Steve's arm and Steve jerked around, pushing him away. Danny was alarmed. Steve was angry with him and he didn't understand why. "It was just a dream Steve."

"No Danny, it's fucking reality," Steve yelled back angrily, pulling him close, hands on his arms, holding him so tight that it hurt. "You put a gun to your head. You pulled the trigger, you fucking son of a bitch. It wasn't a dream Danny, it wasn't even a fucking nightmare. You did it, you fucking did it. If there'd been a bullet left -."

Danny stared up at him, surprised by the vehemence, the anguish. Steve looked at him with wild eyes and he held him like if he let go he'd vanish.

"I'm sorry, I didn't, I didn't think there was another way," Danny stuttered out, resting his palms on Steve's chest. His heart still beat hard and fast and Danny realised he'd been frightened by what had happened. "Steve I'm sorry."

"Don't give me sorry," Steve growled, giving him an angry shake. "Promise me, promise me you won't ever do that again, try anything like that again. Promise me Danny."

"I promise," Danny choked out, feeling sick to his stomach as he was reminded he'd tried it already. Had he really been that desperate, that reliant on Victor? It was only a few days ago, yet he felt no compulsion to end it all like that. It sickened him to consider it, that he'd tried.

"Swear on her life Danny," Steve said quietly, eyes searching him, searching for something.

Danny stared up at him, swallowing down hard and giving a small nod, tears forming in his eyes, causing his vision to blur, "I swear, on my daughters life, I promise. I'm sorry."

Steve loosened his grip, pulling him close instead, arm tight around him and Danny cried silently against him. "I keep, I keep dreaming of that moment only every time it happens, no matter what I do to stop you, I can't. And every time there's a bullet in the chamber. Every fucking time Danny."


	5. Chapter 5

Danny was already up and dressed when Steve woke up. He was sat by the window wondering how long it would be before they stopped locking all the doors. He guessed maybe it was because he was a flight risk, but the balcony was because they were afraid he'd take more drastic measures. They'd went back to sleep eventually but Danny had tossed and turned, reminded of what had happened by the pool, finding Victor dead, picking up the gun. The blind belief that it would be better to die than go with Steve. And how much had it affected Steve that he'd done it, made him watch as he tried.

Danny listened as Steve got out of bed, dissappeared into the bathroom and didn't come out until he was showered and ready for the day. Danny stood and turned to him.

"I think you should talk to Al about the nightmares," he said, approaching him.

Steve stared at him, brows knitting like he was wondering what Danny was talking about before he looked away nervously.

"Yeah, maybe," he replied with a sharp nod. "I'm going downstairs, you coming?"

"How long am I going to be kept locked up and watched over in this place?" Danny questioned as Steve went to the door and punched in the code.

"It's just precautions Danny," Steve said without looking at him.

"What if I promised I wouldn't take off?" Danny asked, following him as Steve left the room.

Steve turned to him as he reached the stairs, looking at him carefully. "Can you make that promise? Are you telling me there aren't moments you feel you can't be here any more, that you wouldn't dissappear like you wanted? It's only been four days."

"Used to be a time my word was more than enough for you," Danny said, drawing closer.

Steve pressed his lips together and turned away again, starting down the stairs. Danny wouldn't let the subject go.

"You know I've spent the last seven months being a prisoner in someone elses house, watched over by cameras, screens and guards," Danny said, bristling in frustration as Steve ignored him. "You've just swapped one prison for another."

Steve spun around as he reached the bottom of the stairs, facing up to him with an angry expression, a finger pressing into his chest.

"Don't you compare whats happening now to what he did to you," Steve snapped at him. "Don't fucking do it Danny. This is nothing like what he did to you."

"You're trying to make me think a certain way, just like he did," Danny replied with a shake of his head. "What makes you any better than him?"

Steve looked like he'd slapped him, shock crossing his features as he reeled back and he took in a breath before he replied. Danny knew it was a low blow, but he was being to feel frustrated, he felt urges for his routine and existence with Victor. But he also was beginning to question how right that had all been and where his own identity lay.

"I want you to be you Danny," Steve said finally, lifting his arms like he couldn't do any more than that. "I want the person who came into my life two years ago and turned everything upside down. I want you to be yourself. Not 'Daniel' - I don't know him. He isn't you. I'm better than Hesse because I don't need anything but you, Danny Williams, to be in my life. I'm sorry if you have a problem with that, but it's you I want back. It's you I came back for, why I'm doing all of this. 'Daniel' is just someone you hide behind. You're just afraid, a coward like he wanted."

Steve turned and marched off, shoulders tight, anger brimming and Danny knew better than to pursue it. But he was angry too and turned around, went back to their room, slamming the door closed behing him. He looked around the room wildly, full of his stuff and Steve's. All cleverly put together to make him feel at home, only he didn't feel at home, he didn't know this place, he didn't know where he was. Frustrated he picked up an ornament from the dresser and flung it accross the room where it ricocheted off the wall and smashed down onto the floor. The tinkling sound of glass, the actual act made him feel something, like a jolt of electricty going through him. It felt good to break it, even though he knew it was wrong.

Wildly he searched around for something else to break, to wreck, if he could vent all his anger into smashing things then maybe he'd be able to stand the pressure. He took up another ornament and sent it sailing over the room, before tearing down a picture from the wall and bashing it agains the wardrobe until it split in his hands. The wardrobe door swung open on it's old hinge and he saw all of his clothes hanging neatly. Angrily he began tearing them down also, tossing them down and trampling on them.

Why did he need to comply to this new way? How was what they were doing any better or worse than what Victor had done to him? He punched the wardrobe door and it swung back on it's hinge again. Pain shot through his knuckles and he gripped at his hand, kicking the door instead in his anger.

Turning he paused at the mess he'd created, a sudden jolt of fear hitting him where the anger had been. What had he done? What would Victor think if he could see him now? What would Al and Steve think? That he was crazy, that he couldn't cope. Would they send him to some pycho ward to be treated? Victor would have been dissapointed but then, his Daniel wouldn't have acted this way. Danny gripped his head and breathed, sobs developing from deep in his gut and shaking through him. He couldn't think straight any more and he stumbled over the clothes strewn over the floor.

Stop, he needed to stop and breath and think. China crunched under his boots and he leaned on the wall still crying, somewhere in the chaos of his mind he heard the door open and someone talking to him calmly.

"Danny," Steve asked, so calm and concerned Danny couldn't understand how he could be so nice to him after he'd been so angry not long before. Steve had every right to be angry with him, he couldn't understand why he had let himself get so far deep into Victor's control.

"I'm sorry," Danny whispered out, the wall the only thing keeping him on his feet. "I'm sorry. I just, I don't know -."

Steve got to him, put his arms around him and held him close which just made him cry even more. How could Steve be so understanding, so comforting when he'd hurt him so much? Steve should hate him, it would be better if he did.

"What if you can't fix me?" Danny said, gripping onto Steve's shirt like it was a lifeline. "What if he broke me too much? I can't go back like this, I can't go into some psych ward Steve."

"Fuck Danny," Steve said, holding him tighter. Danny's legs gave out under him and he sank down, Steve lowering down with him and Danny sat in a crumpled heap, cradled in his embrace. "You aren't going anywhere. I won't let anybody take you away ever again. Don't let him win Danny, don't you let him win. I just need you to fight, please, just fight what he did to you."


	6. Chapter 6

As the days went by a new routine developed, a much simpler routine that Danny found himself relaxing into. The mornings were spent breakfasting and chilling out around the cabin, a short walk with Steve before lunch, then his 'session' with Al before they took a longer hike or sat around reading or playing board games. Sometimes it was just himself and Steve and at other times, Al and Laura would join them. Danny found himself looking over at the calendar hung on the kitchen wall each time he passed it until he paused before it one day, taking in the month. He took it down and went to sit at the table where Steve was reading an old magazine as he had a coffee.

"You said I was gone seven months?" Danny asked, turning back the pages of the calendar.

Al had been getting him to remember the first days of being taken by Victor and of the immediate events leading up to the 'kidnapping' as Danny was slowly telling himself to refer to it as.

Steve looked up at him curiously, pushing the paper aside and cradling his coffee between his hands and he leaned on the table.

"Yeah, well, it will be eight and a bit now, it's October," Steve explained. "You got taken -."

Danny held up a hand and closed his eyes, trying to remember. The information was there, he just hadn't used it in a long time.

"Danny?" Steve asked, wondering what he was doing.

"I'm just trying to remember it for myself," Danny told him, opening his eyes and looking at the calendar again. "We'd tracked Hesse and some of his guys to the docks."

"Yeah," Steve nodded.

"They were waiting for us," Danny said, looking over at him. "They knew we were coming."

"Yeah," Steve agreed again. "But by the time we figured that out we were already under heavy fire."

"We got split up, Chin, Kono," Danny said in thought, closing his eyes again. It was all vague, like it had happened years ago and not just months. "They both got hurt. I'd lost track of you, I didn't know what had happened."

"I got jumped from behind, got knocked out," Steve explained to him. "By the time I came round, you were gone, Chin had taken a bullet in the shoulder and was in a pretty bad way. Kono had gotten jumped by a couple of guys, put up a fight but she didn't get off lightly."

Danny pondered on his memories, on the case itself, giving a sigh and leaning on an elbow. "Think they planned it? Do you think Vic - Hesse - planned it?"

Steve looked away and gave a small shrug and a nod. "Yeah I think he planned it. What he did to you, subjected you to, that wasn't a simple thing Danny. He knew what he was doing, it was definitely planned."

"But why?" Danny asked quietly, finding it hard to accept though it made perfect sense. "Why would he go to all the trouble?"

Steve sat back in his chair and stared at him thoughtfully. "I'd been hunting down Hesse for years, so long it had become personal. Missions aren't supposed to get personal but Victor, he just, we got into each others heads. It was all an elaborate game Danny. He could have just killed you, he had the oppurtunity to take the both of us, or even just me, could have held me and tortured me for months. But he took you instead, did what he did because he knew it would hurt more. I think if I hadn't have come for you when I did, that he would have used you in some way, revealed you were alive, shown how much he'd changed you and could control you. May have even used you to commit another of his crimes."

"So he did it to get to you?" Danny said quietly. "He used me to hurt you. It was never about me, it was never about creating 'Daniel'?"

Steve shook his head at him. "I don't think so."

Danny swallowed hard, a sour taste in his mouth as he looked down at the calendar. For some reason that idea hurt more than he wanted to admit too and he felt his eyes sting. It was hard to think, never mind accept, that Victor had never actually cared for him.

"It was a very clever and effective way to punish me," Steve said, leaning forward again, trying to get his attention. "To hurt me Danny and it meant he got to hurt you too. I know it's hard for you to hear that and accept it."

"He told me he loved me," Danny admitted, though he had already begun to question the reality of Victor's feelings. "He cared for me."

Steve didn't reply and when Danny looked up at him, he found a painful look reflected back at him.

"You've been in love Danny," Steve replied, holding his gaze. "Remember being in love with Rachel? Before the marriage broke down, how you felt for her, that was love right? Do you think Victor loved you like that? Did he care for you like she did once?"

Danny chewed on his lower lip and dropped his eyes again, it was difficult to accept that what Steve was saying made sense. Part of him didn't want to accept it, to believe it. But the way he'd loved Rachel, how they'd felt for one another, even the lingering feelings after the divorce and the bitterness between them, it hadn't ever been like that with Victor.

"I'm sorry," Steve said gently, pushing his chair back to stand. "I know it's hard for you to hear. I'm not trying to hurt you, I just want you to see how Victor made you think he cared when he really didn't. I know it doesn't mean much now but there was a time I think we could have cared for one another, we were at that point Danny, if we'd just been brave enough to say it. It wouldn't have been easy, I know it wouldn't have but we were always honest enough with each other enough to say what we were thinking. I know one thing, I'd never have treated you the way Victor did. I don't need you to be anyone but you. You'd always have been enough for me Danny, you always will be."

As Steve went to leave Danny looked up at him, feeling a stirring of something, of hope and yet fear of the unknown.

"Even now?" Danny asked quietly.

Steve smiled and moved around the table, leaning down and cupping his cheek with his hand.

"Always," Steve promised, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Danny let out a sigh as Steve pulled away, giving his shoulder a squeeze before he left him alone with his thoughts.

~

They'd been at the cabin a little over a week and Danny found he wasn't as anxious as he had been to leave. He still had the quiet solitude he was used to, but he wasn't alone, there was always someone to talk to or merely in the background when he wanted his space. Memories of Victor haunted him always, but he'd begun to recognise the sinister reasons behind his behaviour with him. Al helped expand upon why he'd begun to feel the way he had because of how he'd been treated. Laura rarely asked him about his time with Victor, unless he mentioned the subject himself. Instead he realised she worked at making him feel comfortable and safe where he was, showing him care and comfort in a more stable environment.

Danny found himself becoming confused and concerned about his feelings when he was around Steve. He knew he felt something but he didn't know if it were real or just born from the fact they'd been living in close quarters the last week. He didn't want to simply transfer his need for closeness that he'd developed with Victor to Steve. Danny knew they'd been close to something before Victor had taken him, and there'd been moments Steve had talked about that, but Danny still feared he was hoping for something that didn't really exist. He remembered that his old fear about pursuing a closer realtionship with the man was because he didn't want to lose Steve's friendship if things didn't turn out and it was a fear that still existed.

He began to become guarded within himself when Steve was around, careful how much they talked or touched or shared their time together. Steve had a tendency to reach out and touch him when he got nervous or upset and Danny found himself tensing up. Victor had used similar techniques on him, he'd been talking to Al about it, how it had began and how Danny had become reliant on the touch.

As the unsettled, anxious feelings began to emerge around Steve, Danny felt uncomfortable and it was beginning to frustrate him. He didn't want a barrier to further develop between them but he wasn't sure he should be feeling the way he was about Steve. One evening after supper, Danny had went to read, it was a damp, rainy evening and they'd been cooped up inside all day. Steve joined him and Danny tried to concentrate on his book but Steve's presence un-nerved him. Steve obviously noticed his discomfort, reaching out and resting a hand on his neck gently.

"You okay?" Steve asked him.

Danny winced and gave a shrug of his shoulders, pulling himself away until Steve dropped his hand.

"Fine," Danny said quickly, turning a page of the book without looking at him.

"Something wrong?" Steve questioned, setting down his own book and turning his full attention to him.

"Said I'm fine didn't I?" Danny replied, curling up and leaning on the arm of the sofa.

"You sure?" Steve said, touching his arm.

Danny let out an exasperated sigh and jerked his arm away. "Fuck. I'm good."

"What's wrong Danny?" Steve continued, accusingly this time.

"Nothing, just -," Danny replied, lowering his book to glance at him.

Steve looked back at him, a little fearfully and Danny realised Steve thought he'd done something wrong but was at a loss as to what that was.

"It's nothing," Danny said gently, giving a small shake of his head.

"Have I done something?" Steve asked him. "You've been off with me the last day or so. If I've done something, said something, you need to tell me."

"No, you haven't," Danny said with a shake of his head. "I'm just, I don't know how - what -."

Danny grimaced and looked away, giving another sigh. Steve reached out and touched his neck again and he tensed, giving a small shrug to shake him off.

"Danny?" Steve questioned quietly.

"He used to touch me like that all the time," Danny sighed, giving in. "It was how he used to keep me calm, like, I dunno, he did it to keep me compliant."

He felt the sofa shift as Steve sat back, moving away from him. "Oh. Sorry."

Danny looked at him quickly, holding up a hand. "I don't think - I know you're not doing the same thing, it's just, sometimes, I just - fuck I don't know. I'm confused right now. About Victor, about ma and you. I don't want to make a mistake, start feeling something that doesn't really exist."

"I never meant to make you uncomfortable," Steve apologised, looking uncomfortable himself.

"You don't," Danny told him. "It's nice, that's the problem. He did the same thing and it felt nice too. But I'm beginning to see it was for all the wrong fucking reasons."

Steve gave a small nod of understanding and gave a small shrug. "I get it Danny, I'm sorry. No more touching."

The idea of it made Danny grimace and he shook his head, giving a smirk. "Not a permanent change I hope."

Steve looked confused and frowned at him. "I don't know what you want from me Danny?"

"Neither do I," Danny pointed out to him. "I'm trying to be honest here Steve. There's stuff you say and do, I just, I get confused. I don't know if you're doing it because you're my friend and you care, or because you're trying, hoping, for something more but you're giving me space instead of pressuring me."

He expected Steve to get defensive, but Steve smirked and rolled his eyes at him. "Guess we're dancing around each other like we used to before all this shit happened."

Danny smiled and gave a small nod. "Only everything is more complicated now."

"Want me to be honest?" Steve asked him, looking him in the eye. "About what I want?"

Danny swallowed down and gave a small nod. He found he was hoping for a particular answer and feared getting the wrong one.

"I want you," Steve replied simply. "I've always wanted you, as a friend, as a lover. Touching you, on your neck, on the cheek, fuck, that doesn't come close to what I want to do to you. But if that's all I ever get to do, it's enough. If it's too much for you, then I'll stop. I'm not doing it to control you somehow Danny, but I know it calms you and yeah, I know it's a product of what he did to you. But I'm not doing it for the same reasons Danny, I do it because I want to comfort you, not control you. I won't do it any more if it's fucking with your head, I'll stop."

It was on the tip of Danny's tongue to say that Victor wanted to do more also and he'd succeeded, but Danny knew that wasn't fair. Steve's motives were nothing like Victor's, Danny understood that much. Steve was being honest, but he was also giving him space, time and without expectation. Steve wouldn't force him into anything.

"You think, if this had never happened, that we'd have eventually gotten together?" Danny asked him, watching him closely for a reaction.

Steve gave a small shrug and slight nod of his head. "I'd like to think so, I can't answer with certainty. I know we probably both wanted there to be something, but we also wanted to protect the friendship. You're my best friend Danny, I'd never want to lose that."

"Even now, after everything that's happened," Danny said, waving a hand in the air. "Things are different now."

"We aren't," Steve pointed out. "We're still the same people."

"Things have changed," Danny said again with a shake of his head.

"Shit happens," Steve said calmly. "You know the one thing I know about you Danny? You're a fucking stubborn son of a bitch, you never back down from anything without a fight."

"I didn't fight against Victor," Danny argued, slumping back.

"You're fighting now," Steve told him.

"It won't be the same as before," Danny shook his head again. "Things won't ever be the same."

"Between us?" Steve asked cautiously.

"In everything," Danny said to him. "I can't go back to how things were, back home. I can't just walk back into my life. He's always going to be in my head, what's happened, I can't just forget it and pretend it never happened."

"Nobody is asking you too," Steve said, leaning over to him and resting a hand softly on his arm, before moving his hand down to the couch cushions.

Danny turned towards him, moving his hand to hold Steve's gently in his own. He looked down at the hold they had on one another. As he stared at their hands he gave a small frown, brows furrowing together as he pursed his lips. Steve gave his fingers a squeeze, seeing the look.

"What's the matter?" he asked him in alarm.

"Victor didn't - I never really," Danny started, mind whirring over his time with Victor. "I always felt like I wasn't supposed to touch back you know? Like I had to wait to be told or given permission before I got close to him."

Steve gave a small nod of understanding, giving the statement some thought. "You know now that you mention it, you never touch me. You always used to, not in any intimate way, but just, small ways. At first it was noticeable, but then it was just, you. Maybe you could, I dunno, try it again, not forcing it but - you never had to ask my permission Danny."

"Yeah, maybe," Danny agreed with a small nod. "Maybe that's why I feel uncomfortable, because I don't feel like I can reciprocate."

"Well you're reciprocating now and it feels nice," Steve smiled, nodding towards their hands still touching.

"I can't make you any promises Steve," Danny said suddenly.

"Good," Steve assured him. "Because I'm not asking you too."


	7. Chapter 7

"Can I ask you something?" Danny asked Al as they played chess on the lanai during one of their sessions.

"Sure, anything," Al replied, studying the board for his next move.

"Was it easy for you, going back to your life after you got out?" Danny questioned, sitting back in his chair.

Al sat back himself, ignoring the game for the time being. He gazed at Danny with an honest look and shook his head. "No. It wasn't."

Danny winced and glancd out over the view. It was so peaceful up in the mountains it was difficult to think he had to go back to his 'life', whatever that meant.

"I'd had my eyes opened Danny," Al told him. "To something I suppose if I hadn't experienced it, I wouldn't have believed was possible. The mind is a fragile thing, if we don't protect it, there are people who will use very easy and simple techniques to manipulate and control us. It wasn't until I'd come out of it and had things lain out before me, like a puzzle broken down, I'd never have understood or accepted that I'd been so changed in such a short space of time. I gave up everything for the group, my studies, my career, my life goals, all because I attended a 'lecture' with some friends. You know at first I just thought it was a load of nonsense, I even left the lecture saying so. But then I attended another, and another, a young man who thought he should be more open minded. Well, I don't think people should be close minded, but if you are going to be open minded, just guard those doors you keep ajar up there."

Al tapped his head with a finger as he spoke and gave a smile. "Back in those days, it was common enough for families to literally 'kidnap' their loved ones from a cults clutches in hopes of saving them. That's what my parents did, four years after I'd joined. I'd been hurt in an accident, we'd not really kept in touch over the years because I knew they didn't approve of the group I was in and I'd been convinced they were wicked for not supporting and joining me. But they'd come to visit me in the hospital, said they'd drive me home and instead took me to a 'safe house', where they had two former members of the group waiting, my 'exit counsellors'. I had little chance of leaving on my own due to my injuries and so had nowhere to hide from the truth of their words. It was a long two weeks but by the end of them, I'd begun to realise how unhealthy the group, the cult, was. That was only the beginning of my recovery. It was also the beginning of my life. It took a long time to deal with the fall out of what had gone on, emotionally, mentally, but everyday I reminded myself what I had given up for that group, to that group. My money, my life, my free thinking, free will. Every day I'm still thankful I have control of that all again."

"I feel I can't go back to how it was before," Danny said in reply.

"Of course not," Al said in agreement. "You're a changed man Danny. You've been through an experience, a traumatic experience and few people are going to understand that. But you learn from it and you grow from it."

"But what about-," Danny started before pausing, swallowing down as he thought to the future. "What about Grace? What about my work?"

"What about Grace? She's still your daughter, you still love her. That hasn't diminished, no mater how much Victor tried to convince you otherwise. You are and will always be her father, don't allow Victor and his words to rob you of that," Al told him. "As for work, you may one day return to being a detective Danny. But I wouldn't advise you to go straight back to work, it's a stressful environment and you need to take things easy. Perhaps you could find something to do with your time while you settle back into normality, something easy going and gentle. I'm sure Steve will help."

"Yeah, I know he will," Danny nodded in agreement. "But I can't rely on him for everything. Why is it, why does it feel like -."

Danny paused and grimaced, it frustrated him that it had only been seven months. That in that time he'd been altered so quickly and easily.

"Danny, you were confined, time became endless," Al reminded him. "When people slept, they may have kept you awake, when they allowed you to sleep, you may have only slept a few hours, or a sleep cycle may have lasted twelve. You told me yourself you remember being kept awake when it was dark outside, remember? When they gave you the room with the window. Any other person would have questioned or complained, but they'd conditioned you by then, to simply accept that when the lights were on, you were awake. Lights off, you slept. You can't simply shake off what happpened and return to normal. I know you're nervous about returning home, but you have to face it eventually. You can't hide here forever."

"Why not?" Danny sighed wistfully. At the cabin it was peaceful, he felt calm without being forced into a subservient position, when he needed peace and quiet he could seek it out for himself. When he needed company, he didn't have to look far to find Steve waiting. That would all change when they went back to the city. There he'd actually have to pick up the peices of his life.

"Because here is just a stopping place," Al said in understanding. "A place for you to stabilise yourself before you go back."

"I just, people are going to want to talk," Danny said, nervously rubbing his hands together. "And I dont know where to begin to explain."

"You don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to," Al pointed out.

"But what if," Danny said, looking away and sucking in a deep breath. "What if they find out I wanted to stay? What are they going to think when they know I, I -."

Al's hand covered his and Danny glanced up to find he'd moved around the table to sit closer, putting an arm around his shoulders.

"Can you remember making the decision Danny?" Al asked him gently. "Deciding it was easier to comply than fight?"

Danny squeezed his eyes shut and gave a small nod.

"How did that make you feel?" Al questioned, not moving away.

"Weak," Danny admitted, barely getting the word out. "I couldn't fight it any more. It was too exhausting."

"That was their intention," Al told him. "They didn't need to physically beat you to get you to conform, they just needed to break you, mentally. Once they'd managed that, it was easy for them to manipulate your behaviour. They sold you a perfect way of life Danny, existing for one person, no need to wonder where your next meal would come from, how you would care for yourself. Victor became your keeper and he made you afraid of the world. It was you against him, and he held all the power to keep you as you were. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of, you did what you needed to do to survive and you did. Don't let him win by hiding away and being afraid to go back."

~

Danny found after he'd faced up to Steve about his discomfort when they were close, that he was much more relaxed around the man. He dropped his guard around him, didn't tense up when Steve would brush past or touch him. Danny even found himself flirting, before he realised himself and reigned it in, unsure what he was trying to pursue with the other man. He remembered, before he was kidnapped, how intense their relationship had been, at a tipping point of friends and lovers.

He'd was making supper for that evening. Steve had offerred to help and between them the air was tense.

"I said chop 'em, not mutilate them," Danny smirked as Steve attacked an onion.

Steve paused, looked down at the onion before gazing at Danny. "Seriously? You're seriously going to complain about how I chop an onion."

"Yeah, until you learn to chop properly," Danny pointed out with a laugh. "Look at that - I asked for finely chopped. Those are chunks."

"You're a bitch in the kitchen Danno, you know that right?" Steve asked, turning away to attack another onion.

"And you're like a caveman," Danny told him, going to the fridge to get out the steaks. He set them on the side, finding Steve clearing away some of the mess. "A domesticated one it has to be said."

"You know, if you tidied up after yourself, you'd have more space to prepare," Steve grumbled, dumping scraps and rubbish in the trash.

"It actually pains you physically doesn't it, seeing stuff untidy?" Danny laughed again.

Steve smiled but shrugged, returning to the kitchen counter. "What's next?"

Danny got out the mallet from the drawer and handed it to him. "Well caveman, I'll see if I can salvage the onions while you tenderise the meat."

Steve grinned, taking the mallet too happily, making Danny laugh again and giving him a small push.

"What?" Steve shrugged, slapping the meat onto a wooden tray and covering it with film.

"You look too happy with your given task," Danny told him, chopping the onions a little finer though he had to admit, Steve hadn't done too bad a job. "Look at you, all giddy because you get to beat the crap out of a steak."

Steve grinned again, before he began banging away at the meat. Danny shook his head at him with a smile before throwing the onions into a pan to brown and got to work making a sauce for the steaks. The fell silent as they concentrated on their tasks at hand. The sound of mallet beating meat stopped and Danny glanced over to find Steve watching him. Danny gave him a small smile before watching the sauce again, not wanting it to spoil.

"I'm going to take out the trash," Steve announced suddenly, making himself busy pulling at the trash bag before heading for the back door.

Danny hummed to himself as the sauce thickened and he heated a pan for the steaks. A shrill sound suddenly invaded the room and he jumped in surprise, turning to see Steve's cell phone on the counter. He turned down the hob, left the steaks sizzling and leaned over to look at the cell's screen. Chin Ho's name lit up the display.

Danny stared nervously at the cell, chewing on his lower lip and glancing at the door, wondering if Steve were coming back. But he didn't appear and the phone kept ringing. Danny hovered his hand over the cell a few seconds before he grabbed it and pressed his thumb on the screen to answer, putting it to his ear. His heart beat so fast he had to take a breath to calm himself.

"Hello?" he said nervously.

"Steve?" Chin's voice cracked through, the line wasn't clear and it was difficult to make him out.

"No, he's uh, he'll be back in a minute," Danny said, turning to the door, anxious for Steve to arrive.

There was a long silent pause and Danny tapped the counter nervously with his fingers.

"Danny?" Chin said through the static.

"Yeah," Danny admitted with a sigh. "Hi."

"Fuck, brah," Chin replied, sounding relieved. "It's good to hear your voice."

"Yeah, uh, thanks," Danny said, at a loss as to what to say. Thankfully the door opened and Steve appeared, frowning when he saw Danny with the cell. "Uh Steve's here, I'll put him on."

He didn't wait for Chin to say any more thrusting the phone over to Steve and waiting for him to take it before he turned to the stove to watch over the steaks. Steve rested a hand on his shoulder as he took over the phone call.

"Chin, hey," Steve said, giving Danny's shoulder a squeeze of reassurance. "Yeah everything is good. - well he's just about to turn my steak in charcoal. -- I don't know, guess that depends on him. Everything good at home? You handling stuff okay? --- The governor can make demands all he wants. I'll be home when I'm home, you're capable of running the task force without me, you and Kono. -- Yeah, I know. -- maybe next time."

Danny concentrated on the steaks as Steve spoke, heart beating hard. Only a few word and he found it hard to come up with conversation. What was it going to be like going back to all that? Back home where he'd have to face people and talk to them? Danny felt Steve lean into him, mouth at his ear as he whispered. "You want to say goodbye?"

Danny tightened up and shook his head quickly. He wasn't sure why but even saying a few words to Chin had been strange, he wasn't ready to be dragged back into full conversation. Steve didn't say anything, not moving away though as he finished the call.

"Ok brah, I'll call you in a few days, maybe we'll know by then when we'll be home," Steve said. "Yeah -- ok I will -- aloha."

Steve rested his chin on his shoulder, giving him a small squeeze as Danny turned the steaks in the pan.

"You okay?" Steve asked him.

"Yeah, I'm good," Danny said, finding himself relaxing under the close proximity as Steve held him. "Just, I guess I didn't know what to say."

"Then why did you answer it?" Steve asked, not accusingly, just curious as to his thoughts.

"Just wanted to say hi I guess," Danny explained.

He felt Steve smile and shift behind him, feeling himself warming up from the touch, it felt like Steve was all over him and it was turning him on.

"Don't burn my steak," Steve teased him, breath ghosting over his ear. "You know I like mine medium rare."

"Yeah I know," Danny said, shifting to dig him in the ribs with his elbow. "If you quit acting like a limpet and let me cook, I may do it the way you like."

"Yes chef," Steve laughed, giving him a squeeze before pulling away to take the dishes out on the lanai.

Danny felt his cheeks burning and told himself it was just the heat from the stove.


	8. Chapter 8

"Thank you Danny," Laura beamed at him as she stood to clear the dishes. "It was delicious."

"No problem," Danny replied with a smile, moving to begin helping. Al waved a hand at him to sit.

"We'll sort the dishes," Al assured him. "You guys relax."

Danny glanced over at Steve before taking a sip from his glass nervously.

"It's a nice night," Steve said, shifting his chair back. "You want to go for a walk?"

Danny set his glass down, giving a slight nod, still nervous. "Sure."

Steve stuck his head in the door to the kitchen to inform Al and Laura before they headed off on an open trail from the back of the cabin. They were both quiet for a time, caught up in their own thoughts.

"Chin said it was nice to talk to you," Steve said eventually.

"What, all three or four words I managed?" Danny replied, folding his arms to resist the temptation of reaching out to touch the other man.

"Yeah," Steve assured him a small laugh. "They miss you Danny. Everyone does."

"He anxious for you to be back there?" Danny asked, having gotten the jist of the conversation.

"He's our friend Danny," Steve pointed out. "He wants us both back, safe. Remember I was at the house myself for a while, at that point, nobody knew for certain I was still alive or that I'd found you. I think they want some physical confirmation that we're okay. They miss you, us, everyone does."

"Yeah I know," Danny nodded. "Is the Governor giving him a hard time? They need you back?"

"You know the Governor," Steve shrugged. "He sanctioned the rescue mission but he didn't think I'd be away so long. His feathers got ruffled, the guys a control freak, wants to know everything. Chin is perfectly capable of handling things, he's got full HPD back up, Kono isn't a rookie any more. You need me more than they do right now."

"You told me the Governor told you to drop the case," Danny said in thought. The trees were closing in, blocking out the moonlight and they slowed down as the dark crept in around them.

"I told you what I wanted Hesse to hear," Steve replied in explanation. "We very nearly had to drop the case, until we got the lead on the doc. It all fell into place from there."

"God, you played us both from the start," Danny said, pausing and shaking his head.

Steve looked apologetic and turned to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah I did, I had my reasons Danny. I needed Hesse to think I was on my own, that I'd gone awol to find you. When I realised how he'd gotten into your head, I couldn't risk exposing my real intentions right away, I needed to wait for the right oppurtunity."

"Fuck Steve," Danny sighed, looking up at him. "You took a big risk. They tortured you for fuck sake."

"Tortured you too," Steve answered with another shrug.

"Not like you," Danny retorted, remembering when Victor had sent him to tend to him days after Steve had been 'captured'. He felt a sour taste in his mouth at the memory, he'd allowed Victor to convince him Steve's suffering was neccessary. "What he did to you -."

"It's over Danny," Steve assured him. "We got out. I've been through worse."

"Don't say that," Danny said with a grimace. He didn't want to imagine worse situations, what Victor had done to both of them was bad enough.

Steve gave him a small smile. "Sorry, but it's true Danny. In my career, my job, it kind of comes with the territory."

"Don't," Danny said, shrugging to try and remove Steve's hands, both resting on his shoulders now. "Don't act like what he did, what I did was nothing."

"You didn't do anything," Steve said, not letting him go. Instead he drew closer, hands running up his neck to frame his face.

"Yeah, that's the problem," Danny said bitterly. "I didn't do anything. In fact I just - I let him, I asked him -."

"It wasn't you Danny," Steve said, looking him in the eye. "It wasn't you."

Danny couldn't think straight, his mind was too addled with thoughts, too confused with what had happened, what was happening. His fingers twisted into Steve's shirt and he pulled him closer. He wasn't even sure what he was feeling was real, or should even be happening, but he silently hoped for more. When Steve kissed him his heart beat so hard it almost hurt, a quiet sob caught in his throat and he wrapped his arms around him tight like he didn't want to let go. Steve held him close but gently, hands running through his hair, cradling the back of his neck.

When they pulled apart Danny was reluctant to let go and Steve put an arm around his shoulders, holding him close, pressing a kiss against his forehead.

"Been wanting to do that for a long time," Steve admitted quietly.

"Don't," Danny said hoarsley. "Just don't say anything."

He felt Steve draw back, looking at him with a worried expression and tensing up in his arms. "Danny? Did I just fuck things up between us?"

"No," Danny said, shaking his head quickly and pulling at him so he wouldn't move further away. "Fuck no, I just - I wanted to enjoy the moment. Which you're now runining by the way, so thanks."

Steve smiled with relief and relaxed again. "Sorry."

"Too late," Danny said, shaking his head. "Moments over and now I'm overthinking again."

"Danny?" Steve asked with some concern. Danny bit down on his lower lip, feeling nervous.

"What if this is a bad idea?" Danny questioned, finding he couldn't not run his hands over Steve's body now that he held him close. "After everything that's gone on with Victor - maybe this is too soon, we should take things slow."

"If you need time then fine," Steve assured him. "You know how I feel about you, you always have, even if we never said it before, you know now. That isn't going to change Danny."

"It's going to take time," Danny said, "To figure things out."

"I know," Steve nodded in agreement. "I'm a patient guy."

Danny snorted and grinned up at him, laughing. "Uh, I beg to differ babe."

Steve stilled and Danny had to frown at the look on his face as Steve brushed fingers gently over his cheek, rubbing his thumb over his lips.

"What?" Danny asked, confused. He'd been trying for flirtatious.

"That's the first time you've called me 'babe' in a long time," Steve said quietly. "I kinda missed it."

Danny swallowed down again, shrugging off the comment with slight embarassment but Steve seemed genuinely touched by him saying it.

"Yeah?" Danny asked, nervous again, at his feelings and how easily they seemed to well up within him when confronted with Steve's evident attraction towards him.

"Yeah," Steve nodded, leaning in for another kiss, gentler this time, undemanding, lips simply brushing carefully against his. Danny wanted to melt into it and he admitted to himself that it had been a long time since anyone had kissed him and made him feel like that. Even Victor. He leaned in, hoping for more, blindly seeking at Steve's mouth and Steve cradled his face, gently kissing him over and over again.

With some reluctance and restraint Steve pulled back again with a sigh. "We should head back, it's getting dark and we shouldn't worry them."

"Let's not say anything," Danny said as they turned back, Steve still held him with one arm around his shoulders. "Not yet."

"I think they may already have an idea something is going on," Steve said, "But okay."

They stayed close until the path curved round, leading up to the cabin. But even not holding one another they walked close, arms brushing together as they reached the porch. Al and Laura were on the swing seat, cozying up together. Laura was curled up and resting against her husband who had a contented smile on his face as he held her, rocking the swing back and forth with his legs as they relaxed.

"Enjoy your walk?" Laura asked and Danny nodded, seeing a glint in her eye.

"Yeah, nice night for it," Danny replied as Al grinned, looking from him to Steve and gazing away into the distance.

"Yup, it is indeed," he agreed.

~

Danny knew Laura and Al had figured something had changed between him and Steve, but they were both too polite to mention it. Still, he was careful how much he allowed himself to get closer to Steve when they were around and Victor still plagued his thoughts day and night. He was beginning to understand what had happened to him, how Victor had gained so much power and control in such a short space of time. How he'd come to rely on Victor and how his emotions had been manipulated to feel so deeply about the man. He knew deep down that his feelings for Steve weren't a new thing, they were something he'd felt before Victor, though neither of them had acted on them. He'd buried them deep, but they'd quickly resurfaced. But he didn't want to make a mistake and rush into things, there were still issues and situations he needed to deal with. But he knew Steve would support him every step of the way.

Sleeping had been difficult in his time at the cabin. At first, he'd had restless sleep, a constant cycle of tossing and turning. Exhaustion had hit eventually so he did begin sleeping, but then the dreams had began, reminding him of the last eight months of his life, haunted by Victor. What troubled him was when he dreamt about Victor fucking him, how aroused he'd feel or be when he woke, sometimes soaked in sweat and feeling heady with pleasure. He hated feeling that way, it made him feel sick to his stomach, remembering their time together, what Victor had done to him.

As things changed between him and Steve, his dreams became more intense which troubled him further, like Victor was mocking him from the grave. Danny was afraid he'd never shake Victor's hold of him, not when he'd gotten into his head so deeply. He woke violently, in a cold sweat and gasping out for breath. He gave a small groan, pushing away the sheets, cock hard from arousal, memories of Victor jerking him off roughly with his hand. He rolled onto his side, squeezing his cock hoping to chase away the arousal with a grimace. He didn't want to jerk off to memories of Victor, it frightened him that his body responded so intensely to the memories of him. But no matter how hard he tried to alleviate his frustration and chase away his erection, he couldn't calm himself down.

His eyes adjusted to the dark, Steve's form lying still on his bed, not too far from his own. Danny sat up, rubbing at his cock as pleasure shivered through his limbs. His mind whirred, exhaustion washing over him, he just wanted to sleep but he couldn't sleep like this. He got out of bed, moving closer to Steve, the sight of him sleeping soundly made Danny feel calm. The sheet barely covered Steve, it was a warm night and it had become entangled in his legs, broad bare chest lifting and settling with soft breaths.

Danny pulled back the sheet further. Swallowing down hard he moved onto the bed, crawling over him, desperate for the intimate touch of another, someone who was as far removed from Victor as he could get. Memories of Victor invaded his senses as he looked down at Steve, confused, scared.

Victor. Fucking him. Always pushing into him, passionate, heavy, desperate, taking always taking. Danny stilled, a small sob escaping his lips as he crouched over Steve, knees either side of his hips, hands just by his shoulders. Victor had made him beg, made him yearn to be touched, made him desperate for any gentleness, made him feel so special when he took him. All for himself, never for his Daniel.

Danny shook his head, sobbing again and feeling Steve's body jump suddenly in surprise as he awoke.

"Danny, what the-" Steve said tiredly, startled, hands on his shoulders holding him.

"I'm sorry," Danny gasped out, painfully aware how much he needed and yet how wrong the entire situation was. As Steve moved his thigh brushed against Danny's cock and Danny shuddered in response, unable to bury his need, too far gone to control it. "I'm sorry, just don't move."

He couldn't think straight, mind muddled with need, pleasure and tiredness, he went to move away and escape in embarassment but Steve's fingers gripped his upper arms. "Tell me what you need Danny," Steve said quiet but firmly as he lay under him.

"Can't," Danny said shaking his head, ashamed. It was too dark to really make Steve's face out, muted light shading his features. "I shouldn't - this is wrong, I'm sorry."

"Danny, tell me what you need," Steve said again, fingers stroking over his arm. "Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it."

He shook his head again, cock pressing heavily now against Steve's boxers clad thigh.

"Take your time," Steve told him gently. "Your choice remember Danny. You want something from me, just ask me."

"I need," Danny gasped out, barely audible and he lowered his face down, resting his forehead against Steve's, enjoying the closeness. "Need you to touch me. Please."

"All right," Steve said unmoving save for one of his hands leaving Danny's arm and instead delving between them, moving downwards until he wrapped his fingers around Danny's cock. "Like this?"

Danny let out a moan of satisfaction and nodded breathless. "Yeah, yeah."

"You sure Danny?" Steve whispered quietly and Danny gave a cant of his hips just to feel his cock move into Steve's embrace.

"Yeah, yeah I'm sure," Danny told him with a desperate sob. "I want, need - need it not to be him. Please, please."

He moved, curling down, burying his face into the crook of Steve's neck and shoulder. Steve's free hand wrapped around him, holding him close and steady. Slow and gently Steve set up a rhythm, fingers steadily jerking him off as he breathed heavy against his skin.

"Yeah, like that, feels good," Danny gasped, fingers clutching and nipping at his skin. "Oh god, oh fuck, Steve, Steve."

"This what you want Danny?" Steve was asking him quietly. "That what you need yeah?"

Danny rocked as Steve jerked him, rhythm sloppy but oh so good, he took in Steve's smell, sweat and dirt, not like Victor who was always clean. Victor who always took control. Gave only when he decided he needed. Danny hadn't been able to choose this for himself for months and here was Steve not really understanding but giving him what he needed anyway. Danny sobbed against him and jerked his hips, desperate and clawing his way to the edge.

"Fuck I'm close," he gasped against Steve's ear. "Make me come babe, please, please, fuck I need too -."

It didn't take much more, Steve's fingers deliciously tight in the last few strokes and Danny shuddered, groaning low against his skin as he came.

"Mmmm god fuck yeah Steve, Steve," he moaned, desperation giving way to satisfaction. Steve jerked him until he'd emptied himself over his belly before collasping against him with a sigh of completion. "Fuck. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

Steve moved, but not to push him away. Both arms enveloped him and Steve rolled until they lay on their sides in the middle of his bed. There wasn't much room but Danny didn't want to pull away and Steve seemed reluctant to let go.

"Steve -," Danny whispered, wanting to explain himself. He knew he'd taken advantage and he was ashamed of what had happened.

"Sssh, go to sleep Danny," Steve told him, holding him close, lips brushing against his temple as he buried his head down again, content as Steve enveloped him with his arm and leg. "We'll talk in the morning. Just sleep."


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning he woke early, carefully getting out of the bed without disturbing Steve. It was barely light ouside and he changed into an old pair of faded jeans and worn out t-shirt, settling in the chair to think. The tryst through the night had been the first time he'd done anything sexual of his own volition in a long time and it had made him feel good. Steve hadn't wanted or demanded anything in return, simply wanting to give him what he needed to be satisfied. Victor had always taken, looking at him like he were an object, especially when it came to sex.

Danny frowned and looked around him. He thought about what it would have been like from Victor's point of view, having his Daniel always there, waiting for him. Danny thought back, remembering the times he was on his knees, silent and waiting for any hint of acknowledgment from the man. He remembered how frustrating it would be when Victor went away for long periods of time, how bad the feelings could get. He realised it wasn't that he'd missed Victor so much as the human connection. Being made to feel useful and wanted, even if it was just to be seen complying or available.

Frowning, Danny leaned forward, thinking hard, brow furrowed, searching his mind for answers.

"Danny?" Steve spoke his name sleepily from the bed, stirring a little in his sleep.

Danny peered round the chair towards him, Steve blinking and searching him out in the room. He got up and went to the bed, sitting down on the edge and resting a hand on Steve's chest.

"It's okay, I'm here," Danny assured him. "Just woke early is all."

"You okay?" Steve asked warily, sitting up a little. "After, you know, what happened during the night?"

Danny gave a small embarassed smile and gave a small nod, looking away. "Yeah, sorry about that."

"You keep apologising," Steve said, putting a hand over his. "You don't need too. Took me a little by surprise is all."

"Don't know what came over me," Danny said quietly with a shrug.

"Well I know you came all over me," Steve said with a small laugh. Danny smiled shyly and glanced away as Steve sat up more, holding his hand. "What've you been thinking about Danno?"

Danny didn't reply, turning a little, pulling his hand away and staring over to the window again. Steve let him have his moment of silence.

"He always called me Daniel," Danny said quietly.

"Yeah? So?" Steve said beside him.

"Never Danny or Danno," Danny shook his head. "Always Daniel. Daniel was someone he created for himself."

Steve put a hand on his shoulder as he spoke and Danny turned his attention back to him, finding Steve looking at him with a gentle expression.

"My Ma calls me Daniel," Danny told him. "When I'm in trouble. You know how mothers do, envoking the full name rule just so you know how deeply in the shit you are? Pop's the same."

"What are you saying Danny?" Steve asked, trying to follow his train of thought.

"Victor didn't know me," Danny said to him. "He didn't see me. He just saw what he wanted, his creation. I remember now, back at the start, convincing myself that if I just went along with everything the torture would stop. And it did. I told myself if I did what he wanted, that help would come eventually, I just needed to be patient. It was just simpler to be 'Daniel'."

"But you were so deep in it when help did come that you couldn't see it," Steve said to him.

"It was easier, his way," Danny sighed with a shrug and he gave a hollow laugh. "It was so fucking easy. I thought if I could just play along, just wait until you came for me. I knew you'd come, I just didn't think I'd be convinced it was better his way. I never meant it to become real."

"It was just your way of coping Danny," Steve assured him. "There aren't many people who could resist that kind of control and manipulation."

"You did," Danny said looking at him closely.

"Part of my training is to endure torture," Steve said, sitting up and resting a hand on his shoulder. "And even I can see how easy it would have been to give in to it. You were there seven months, there's no way you could have resisted him that long. And he didn't want to control me like he did you."

"I keep thinking about the things we did together," Danny said, wincing and turning away, scrubbing a hand over his face as he grimaced at the memories. "The things he wanted from me."

"Danny," Steve rubbed a hand over his shoulders comfortingly.

"I need to talk to Al," Danny said shaking his head. "I want to talk to him about it."

"Okay," Steve nodded, pulling his hand away and Danny looked at him, seeing the hint of rejection in his eyes.

"It's just, I don't want," Danny said shaking his head and reaching out to him, trailing his fingers over his cheek. "I don't want that, what we did together, to get in between us. There's some stuff I won't be able to talk to you about. You understand that right?"

"You know I want to help you," Steve said, trying to be understanding.

"I know, but right now I just need to get some things out of my head, thoughts and feelings, and the person I need to speak to about it is Al," Danny said to him. "What happened during the night, that helped, but I shouldn't have just -."

Steve stopped him with a thumbb brushing over his lips, hand cupping his jaw. "Just wake me up next time," Steve grinned. "Believe me, finding you like that wasn't a bad thing on my part. But if you wake me up first, then maybe I can get in on the action too."

Danny flushed and looked away, slightly embarassed. "Maybe it's too soon, maybe we should be taking things slow. It might be a bad idea-."

Steve hushed again, thumb pressing against his lips. "I don't see us rushing into anything. What happened last night was something you needed and something we both took part in because we both wanted it. But I'm not expecting anything, I'm not going to pressure you into anything. I'll wait for however long you need."

"Okay, all right," Danny nodded in agreement, a smile edging the corner of his lips. "Thanks."

~

"Can we talk?" Danny asked Al, finding him on the swing seat on the porch.

Al looked up at him and gave a small nod, motioning for him to sit beside him. "What's on your mind Danny?"

"I want to talk about Victor and me," Danny started out, sitting back in the seat and staring into the distance. "About the sex."

"Okay," Al replied without asking any questions. He was silent and let Danny start of his own accord.

"The first time we ever got really close to having sex," Danny started, thinking back. Victor had had him dress in fresh clean clothes, they'd eaten in the mansions dining room, all glittery and sparkling. Victor had aimed for a romantic atmosphere and Danny remembered it had made him feel special. "Victor had treated me to a meal together, just to two of us. Made me feel special. Afterwards we started making out on the couch and I knew, I just, I knew he wanted sex, knew he wanted to fuck me. I couldn't do it and I pushed him away. I just didn't want it, I knew it was wrong, that it was taking things too far, like deep down I knew I was just playing along but I couldn't pretend for that."

Al was silent and Danny paused, mind whirring back. He remembered the night vividly.

"Part of me thought," Danny said, stumbling on his words. "Thought maybe he'd -."

He couldn't bring himself to say what he was thinking and clamped his lips together.

"You thought he'd force you," Al finished for him, resting a hand on his arm. "Did he ever force himself on you Danny?"

Danny felt something twist inside his gut and he felt nauseus, but he gave a small nod of his head.

"The first time we had sex, I wanted it," Danny explained, feeling his throat constrict as he held himself together. "I enjoyed it, the way he fucked me, the way it made me feel. But before he did, he warned me, said I couldn't say no to him again. And I know it wasn't an empty threat, I knew if I backed out, pushed him away, that he'd fuck me any way. He left me in his bed afterwards, went to do some business, came back in the middle of the night. Woke me up wanting to fuck me again. I didn't want, I didn't - he'd fucked me hard that first time, I didn't want to again so soon. He just said it would be okay, that I should just relax and enjoy it. Made me feel letting him any way was the right thing to do, letting him fuck his 'Daniel', like maybe I didn't have the right to refuse him. It hurt but I just, he just said it felt good, he was pleased with me - that I let him. It got difficult after that, him going away for long periods of time. I found myself struggling to hold it together until I saw him again."

"Were there any other times you weren't in the mood for sex and he convinced you or forced himself on you?" Al asked quietly, squeezing his arm reassuringly.

"I wasn't always in the mood but he began to learn how to get me interested," Danny said with a shrug. "I began to crave the intimacy, it made me feel special. Got to the point all he needed to do was look at me a certain way or make a gesture and I knew he wanted to fuck me, or for me to blow him."

"What about your own desires, your own needs?" Al questioned. "When he wasn't there, were you allowed to satisfy yourself?"

"No," Danny replied with a shake of his head. "Only Victor. They kept a close eye on me when I was alone to ensure I complied."

"So he made you fully dependent on him, for everything," Al said with a sigh, sitting back.

"Yeah I guess," Danny nodded.

"Why did you need to talk Danny?" Al asked him. "About the sex with Victor."

"Sometimes I have dreams, nightmares of when we were together, I wake up hard because of them," Danny said honestly. "I got to thinking about those intmate times together this morning. But it isn't something I can talk to Steve about, I just know I needed to tell someone about it. I thought I was in love with him."

"You thought you were?" Al probed gently. "Does that mean you think differently now?"

"I didn't have anyone else," Danny shrugged. "I thought he cared about me. Now I don't know. I was just his 'Daniel', his play thing. If I complied I was rewarded and I wanted his affections, it was nice to be needed, to be wanted, to be useful. I was only ever useful to him, nobody else at the house. I existed for only him, he made sure of that. He only ever saw 'Daniel', he never saw me, that's not who he wanted."

"There are people who do see you," Al assured him, patting him on the shoulder. "People who care, people who love you, people who just want you to be yourself. People like Steve, your family here on the Island and in New Jersey."

"I know," Danny nodded. "I just, I don't know what they're going to think of me, when they find out what I did."

"All they need to know is you were kidnapped and held as a prisoner for several months," Al explained to him. "You were a hostage Danny, a prisoner who was tortured in ways you don't have to fully explain. Nobody needs to know any of the details unless you choose to tell them. If they truly care about you, then their one concern will be to help you readjust to your life, make the transition as easy as possible. You haven't done anything wrong, you've just tried to survive as best you could under the conditions of your captor."

"I can't just walk back into my life like it was yesterday," Danny shook his head. "I can't do that. I wouldn't know where to start."

"You don't have too," Al told him. "You take things slow, you take it one day at a time. But believe me you will get there Danny, to a place you feel yourself again. You'll never forget what happened and there will be moments you feel Victor, the way you lived, surround you again, maybe even feel a yearning to be back there. That's normal, it's called 'floating', it happens to myself and Laura at times. But you have to accept it happened, that you lived a cerain way but things are different now, that you are back in control now. And you'll learn Danny, you'll begin to learn and acknowledge that you being in control is a precious gift you aren't going to give up ever again."

~

Danny zipped up the suitcase and paused, glancing around the room and looking at Steve who stood opposite him, finishing packing his own things.

"I'm not sure I'm ready for this," he said honestly. He'd been feeling aprehensive all morning as they prepared to leave.

Steve looked up at him and smiled assuringly, walking over to him. "Things will be fine. You know the plan Danny. We drive back tonight when the roads will be quiet. We'll go back to my place and we'll settle you in for a few days. The only people visiting will be Rachel and Grace, Chin and Kono. It's up to you how fast or slow things go remember. You're in control."

"I'm in control," Danny repeated under his breath, it was a regular mantra in his head these days. "I'm in control."

"And you've got Al and Laura's phone numbers if you need to call them," Steve said with a smile, nodding and turning to pick up his bags. "Come on, we don't leave for a few hours. I think they wanted to go for one last walk together."

~

Al and Laura were getting ready to return to the city themselves and the afternoon was spent taking a walk before Steve and Danny helped them pack up their mini van with some items and secured rooms in the cabin.

"When do you think you'll be up here next?" Danny asked Laura as they lay dust sheets over some of the furniture in the den.

"Oh in a few months hopefully," Laura informed him. "We open the place up for four months to have people, like your stay only we'll maybe have four or five staying with us. You know if you'd like, you can come up, even if it's just to have a few days to yourself. I'll let you know the dates we'll be here."

"I'd like that, thanks," Danny nodded. "And thanks for, you know, everything you've done. You and Al. I don't think I'd ever gotten back to being me without the help."

"I'm glad we could help," Laura assured him, coming to stand before him. "But if it wasn't for Steve and the people back home doing all the work they did to get you back, we'd never have become involved. So thank them too okay?"

"Yeah I will," Danny smiled before he put his arms around her, Laura squeezed him back and they held each other for a long time.

"I turn my back for one minute and you're making moves on my wife Williams," Al laughed from the doorway.

"I should be so lucky," Danny replied, laughing himself as he pulled away from Laura's hold. "I was just saying thanks. You two, what you do, it's something special."

~

He sat and waved to Laura and Al as Steve pulled the van out of the drive way and along the rocky path that led to the main road. Danny didn't look away until they rounded a bend and the cabin dissappeared behing the trees. He settled into his seat for the ride home as Steve played around with the radio.

"How far away are we from the city?" Danny asked as they reached the road.

"Couple of hours," Steve replied, settling on a station and getting comfortable for the drive. "Roads should be quiet. You okay?"

"Going to be a weird couple of days," Danny replied, thinking about what lay ahead for him.

"Weirder than the last eight months?" Steve said with a smirk. "Things are going to be fine Danny."

"Keep reminding me of that every few days all right?" Danny laughed.

"Sure thing," Steve promised with a nod.

Danny fell asleep on the drive back and didn't wake until Steve was driving through his neighbourhood. It was dark but Danny peered out at the familiar setting, stomach lurching as they reached Steve's house. Steve parked up and looked over to him as he undid his belt, giving him a confident smile.

"Home at last," he grinned.


	10. Chapter 10

Danny was jittery, pacing around the kitchen, coffee cup in hand. He'd been up a few hours, having gotten little sleep and it was his second cup of the day. Unusual for him considering he barely touched the stuff these days, but he needed something to wake him up properly.

Grace would be coming today.

Steve had made breakfast, they'd eaten and read through the papers, making small talk. Steve had cleared away the dishes, pottered around the house and Danny had babbled and paced and been of no use at all to him until eventually Steve couldn't take any more.

"Danny, go out on the beach," Steve said, putting his hands on his shoulders. "Take a walk or just go sit. Remember how you need to find a place to be quiet and be calm? Maybe you should figure out where that is here for you?"

"But what if they arrive and I'm not here when she comes in?" Danny asked with a frown.

"I said go sit on the beach," Steve said giving him a small shake. "Not take off for a few hours. Believe me you will know when she gets here."

Steve cupped his face, leaned in and gave him a quick kiss before pushing him playfully away. "Go on, go."

Danny found himself shooed out onto the lanai and he sighed as the heat of the sun hit him, warming him through. Steve was right, he needed to calm down. He did as he was told, heading down towards the waterline. He wouldn't go far, just a little walk to clear his head. He walked at the waters edge, tide soaking the bottom of his pants but he didn't mind, they'd dry quick. After a short while he turned back, wondering how long it would be before Rachel arrived with the family. He absently looked at his watch, the same one Steve given him back at the cabin. It was a little after ten and Steve had said they'd be there by eleven. He kicked at the water before turning towards the house. As he made his way up he heard a voice and paused, squinting as the sun got in his eyes, seeing a small figure running towards him.

"Daddy, it's my daddy," Grace was shreiking and it took him by surprise before she flung herself full force into him. "Daddy, daddy."

Somehow he ended up on his knees, Grace all limbs as she clamoured to hold him with all of herself, arms around his neck, legs around his waist, face pressed into his neck and soaking his skin with tears.

"Grace, Gracie?" Danny said as he held her, so tight he knew he could be hurting her, but she didn't seem to mind, she was holding on just as tightly back. "Grace, baby, it's okay, it's me, it's okay."

Grace had dissolved into tears, body shuddering as she cried, heart thumping against his. "Daddy, I missed you Daddy."

"I know baby," Danny said against her hair. "I missed you too."

"I knew you weren't dead," Grace mumbled out. "I knew it, I knew."

"I'm sorry Gracie, I'm so sorry," he said, rocking her in his arms. "Danno's back now, I'm not going anywhere."

They held each other for a long time there on the beach. Through blurred vision Danny could see Rachel, Stan and Steve on the lanai letting them have their time together. Eventually Danny got to his feet, pulling Grace up into his arms. She was taller and getting heavy but he didn't care, carrying her up to the house as she held on firmly. As he climbed the steps Rachel stood up, a watery smile on her face as she went to him and gave him a hug of her own, Grace sandwiched between them.

"God Danny, we've missed you," she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek before pulling back a little and looking at him closely, taking in the changes. "I'm so glad you're home."

"Me too," Danny smiled, pulling her close again for another hug. When she stepped aside he found Stan standing nearby, Charlie in his arms. The baby was big now, the most changed of all of them.

"Danny," Stan said extending an arm and shaking his hand firmly, giving him a warm smile. "Welcome back."

"Thanks," Danny smiled. "Good to be back. Wow look at the little man. He's huge now."

Stan smiled, the kind of proud smile Danny could understand, one of a father who loved and adored his children. Grace gave Danny a kiss on the cheek and smiled.

"He's got five teeth now Danno, haven't you Charlie," she informed her dad, reaching out to tickle her little brother. Charlie laughed, showing off his teeth as he did so, clearly besotted with his sister.

They all sat down, Steve put out some refreshments and Grace curled up by Danny as he held Charlie on his knee, who stared at him curiously.

"This is Danno Charlie," Grace told him and the baby looked at her like he understood every word. "He's my real dad. I've got two daddys see? My Danno and your daddy. You can share Danno with me too if you want."

Charlie made some noises, as if he was talking back and Danny laughed, making the baby laugh in return. Grace smiled and rested her head on her dads arm. "He likes you Danno."

"Of course he does, whats not to like," Danny teased, making faces at the baby. Charlie liked the game, reaching up a hand and toying with his mouth as he chattered nonsensically to him.

He was aware of the others watching him, like maybe in the next minute he'd flip. He knew it was something he was going to have to get used to, the watchful gazes, at least until things got back to normal. Looking up he caught Steve's eye and gave a small smile, receiving one in return before Steve turned his attention to Rachel and Stan, drawing them into a conversation, knowing Danny felt a little overwhelmed by the attention.

Eventually Stan took the baby to change his diaper and asked Grace to go with him. She stayed by Danny, looking at him with an unsure expression, as if he'd dissappear if she let him out of her sight again.

"Go help Stan Grace, please," Rachel urged and Danny gave her a quick hug and kissed her cheek.

"Go help Stan with Charlie, give me a chance to talk to your mom alone okay? I'm not going anywhere, promise," he encouraged and Grace reluctantly stood up, understanding the adults wanted to talk. Steve made himself scarce too, but just to the kitchen where he could be in hearing distance if Danny neded him. Danny looked at Rachel and gave a wan smile as she stared at him, leaning over to brush his cheek gently.

"It's good to have you home Danny," she assured him again. "When you were taken, everything was so chaotic, I didn't know how to cope or what to tell Grace. I didn't really know how to handle everything as the time went on."

Danny realised she was trying to apologise, for the memorial, for trying to move on. He took her hand between both of his and shook his head. "You did what you had to do, for Grace, for yourself. It's okay Rachel, I'm not angry or upset about it."

"We just didn't know what to think," Rachel said, eyes welling with tears. "I didn't want to believe you were alive and unable to get back to us, to Grace, but I didn't want to believe you were dead either. But I watched her struggling every day, I thought it may have helped her move on. We didn't know what was for the best."

"You put her first," Danny said with a nod, "That's your job. I didn't fight hard enough, if I'd fought harder -."

"Danny," Steve warned from the doorway. Danny knew well enough not to blame himself for what had happened. Danny clamped up and glanced round at him.

"Sorry," Danny apologised.

"Don't apologise," Steve said gently. "Just don't blame yourself either."

"You did what you needed to to do to survive," Rachel added, giving his hand a squeeze. "And we have you back. That's what matters. You're here now."

"The next few weeks, things are going to be hard," Danny tried to explain. "Trying to get back into, life."

"I know," Rachel said with a nod, smiling. "Believe me we're all here to make sure that happens as smoothly as possible."

"It's just, there may be days I can't -," Danny started before stopping, taking a breath. "I still have moments where I doubt all of this."

"Okay," Rachel replied, nodding again. "That's okay. Will you be going back to work?"

"We, I, I don't know yet," Danny shook his head. "I don't think I'm ready for that, I'm not sure when I'll be ready for that."

"We'll think of something," Steve said as he leaned on the door frame. "One day at a time, remember Danno?"

~  
Later on, before they left, Danny took Grace down onto the beach, wanting some alone time with her. He chanced a look back over his shoulder, catching Steve standing watching them with a wide grin on his face. Danny shook his head and looked ahead, holding Grace's hand as they walked along the waterline, waves lapping at their toes.

"Where were you Dad?" Grace asked, gazing up at him with a serious expression as they walked.

Danny looked at her, then out onto the horizon, ocean stretching endlessly away from them.

"You know Grace," he admitted honestly, pulling away from the waves and getting her to sit by him on the sand. "I've been wondering for a while what to tell you, about where I was. I could tell you I was working. You know, as a detective, sometimes, were asked to do strange tasks. Like going undercover to catch bad guys, sometimes for months on end, pretending to be other people."

He looked at her to see if she was listening and she gazed back at him, big eyes watching like in a few seconds he may dissappear again.

"Is that what happened?" She asked carefully.

It would be so easy to nod, lie and say yes, but Danny shook his head instead. "No baby. As much as I wish that was the truth, it would be wrong to lie to you."

"So what happened?" Grace frowned with a shrug, putting a hand on his knee and leaning against him. "Where'd you go all these months? You and Uncle Steve?"

"You know I always wanted to be a cop," Danny said to her, brushing some hair behind her ear as the breeze flicked it around her face. "Where I grew up, it was a tough neighbourhood, some of the folks were bad people, the kind of bad I wanted out of my neighbourhood. I could have joined a gang, done it the easy way, with street code and fists and a whole lot of hurting. But instead, I decided to do it the harder way, as a cop, trying to be good even when everyone else I grew up with got into all the bad stuff that goes on in those rough neighbourhoods."

Grace sighed and rolled her eyes at him, wondering when he'd get to the part where he would explain where he'd been the last eight months of her life.

"When you were born, that made my job all the more important," Danny said to her, supressing a laugh at her impatience. "Keeping bad guys off the streets, away from where they could hurt you."

"Yeah I know Danno," Grace moaned at him, having heard it before. She wrapped her arms around his knee now and gave a squeeze, resting her cheek on it and sighing. "But where'd you go all this time?"

"A bad man took me away," Danny admitted with a sigh, stroking her hair gently. "Someone who knew taking me away would hurt people. Me, you, your mom and Stan -"

"Uncle Steve," Grace added on, sitting up and looking at him again. "When you went away at first, he used to come over a lot. He tried to hide it but he was really sad Danno, like I was."

"Yeah I know," Danny nodded, patting her shoulder.

"So the bad man," Grace said, brow furrowing again. "He kept you all this time?"

"Not all this time," Danny shook his head. "But most of it. Steve came and saved me, but he had to take me some place."

"To make you better?" Grace asked, looking at him with wide eyes, suddenly searching for any physical evidence he'd been hurt. "Did the man hurt you?"

"Yeah, he did," Danny said gently. "But I'm okay Grace. I will be okay."

"What'd he do to you?" she asked, holding his leg tighter.

Danny shook his head and patted her again. "Nothing you need to worry about. And you don't need to worry about him Grace. He can't hurt any of us anymore."

Grace sat back and looked at him before clamouring into his lap, giving him a tight hug. He could feel her heart beating quick against him as he squeezed her back.

"Why'd mom say you were dead?" Grace asked quietly.

Danny closed his eyes and sighed, not letting her go. "She thought it would be the right thing Grace. She thought it would help you not miss me so much. Because she didn't know where I was, what had happened to me, nobody did, not at first. She was always thinking of you."

"I knew you weren't dead," she said to him. "I just knew it. I told Uncle Steve I knew it and he said he believed me because he didn't think you were dead either."

Danny rubbed her back gently as she squeezed him again before sitting back in his arms gazing at him.

"Did the bad man get Steve too?" She asked, face full of seriousness. "He came to say goodbye, said he was going to go away for a while but he promised to come back. Guess he was coming to get you, but he was away an awful long time."

"Yeah he came for me," Danny assured her. "Only, he had to be clever about getting me away. He had to trick the man who took me, before he could rescue me."

"And then you went somewhere to get better?" Grace asked him. "Did the man make you sick dad?"

Danny gave a small nod and smiled. "Yeah, I guess you could say that Gracie. You don't need to know about that. I just want you to know one thing - the man, who took me away. He tried to take everything away from me, but he couldn't take you, not up here- " he tapped his head with a finger before taking her hand and pressing it against his chest. "And not in here either. Because I locked you up, all the memories, the thoughts, everything that you are inside to me, I locked them up tight, deep inside. So Steve came and rescued me, got me away, but you, you helped me get better. Thinking about you, remembering you, that helped me get better Gracie."

Grace smiled and hugged him again, resting against him gently as he held her. "What if someone takes you away again Danno?"

"They won't," Danny promised. "Even if someone tries, Steve will come for me again. I'll wait until he comes and brings me home to you. So I don't want you to worry about that Grace okay? Because I'm not going anywhere."

~

Danny helped Steve clear the dishes as Steve spoke about the visit from Rachel and the family. Danny tried to concentrate and join in, a nervous knot building in his gut.

"Hey," Steve put a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. "You okay? You seem distracted."

"Yeah, I'm good," Danny nodded quickly, grabbing a cloth and wiping down the counter quickly.

"Danny," Steve said, following his movement keenly. "What's wrong?"

"It's just something," Danny began, pausing and turning to look at him. "Something Rachel suggested."

He shrugged and leaned against the counter, giving Steve a glance. Steve looked back with questioning eyes.

"And?" Steve encouraged with a small smile. "What did she suggest that's got you all nervous?"

"That maybe I could move in with her and Stan for a while," Danny said quickly, pausing and swallowing down, watching for Steve's reaction. "Offered me the guest suite. I'm not going to be going back to work for a while, it means I get to see Grace every day."

"That's great Danny," Steve grinned, giving a nod.

"It is?" Danny asked, screwing his mouth up with a small grimace.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" Steve said, moving closer to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. "I mean if you feel you're ready for it. It's up to you where you go from here right?"

"But I thought," Danny said, givig a shake of his head as if to clear his head. He gave Steve a nervous look before glancing away. "I just, we just got back, we've not really spoke about us."

He heard Steve give a small laugh and found himself smothered by the man as Steve pressed in behind him, hands sliding around his waist.

"Is that what's got you all nervous?" Steve asked him quietly. "Us? We never agreed you'd come and stay here on a permanent basis, not right away. Of course if that's what you want to do, then great, but I'm not forcing you to stay. We'll still see each other, you can stay any time you want or need. I'm not going to get upset because you move in with Rachel and Stan to be with your little girl Danny."

"It won't be permanent," Danny assured him, feeling his nerves dropping as Steve held him.

"However long you need," Steve agreed, pressing a kiss against his neck. Danny smiled and tilted his head a little more invitingly. He could feel Steve's lips curl against his skin before he kissed him again, making him relax further.

"I didn't want you to think I don't appreciate everything you've done," Danny continued. "Or that I'm backing away or anything."

"You know why I did it," Steve reminded him, burying his face down into the crook of his neck and shoulder and breathing him in. "Danny, I think it's a good idea. I think it's a very kind and generous offer from Rachel and Stan, they could easily be wary of letting you in. I know you know everyone is being cautious, but they are trying as much as anyone to help you settle back into your life after whats happened. It's your choice, choose what you feel is right for you, go there, stay here or maybe you want to be on your own for a while."

"No," Danny said quickly, shaking his head firmly and tensing in Steve's hold. "No, I can't be alone, not yet."

"Shh, okay, I'm not saying you have to," Steve assured him, giving him a squeeze to settle his nerves. "You make your decision and we'll get things organised. Okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Danny agreed, giving a small nod and smiling as Steve pressed another kiss into his neck before pulling away, giving him the time and space he needed to think over his options.

~  
Steve had arranged for Chin and Kono to visit the next evening, to make sure Danny wasn't overwhelmed all at once. He'd also had to start taking calls from the Governor, seeing as he was back home and technically couldn't avoid work any further.

"I'm going to have to go speak to him tomorrow morning," Steve sighed as he prepared the coals for the grill on the lanai. "Probably gonna bust my balls for not taking his calls when we were up in the mountains."

Danny looked at him with concern and Steve gave a small grin, shrugging his shoulders at hime. "You were worth it."

"I spoke to Rachel today," Danny admitted, setting glasses on the table. "Said I'd move my stuff over by the weekend."

"All right," Steve nodded with a smile, poking at the coals before turning to him. "I bet Grace is excited."

"Not sure they've told her yet," Danny said with a smile. "Kids have a tendency to spontaneausly combust when over excited."

Steve snorted and gave a shake of his head, hearing the doorbell ring before voices called out faintly, travelling through the rooms. "Guess our company has arrived."

Danny followed him inside, through the dining room to the living area where Kono and Chin were standing, laden with food and drinks. He'd been as nervous for seeing them as he had been the reunion with Grace and for a long moment they all stood staring at one another. Kono made the first move, dumping the drinks on the sofa and going to him, throwing her arms around him and squeezing him tight.

"Hey brah," she mumbled with a shaky voice. Danny just hugged her back, knowing his voice would be just as weak. They held each other for a long time before Kono pulled back, giving a frown at her tears, wiping the back of her hand over her eyes self conciously as she looked at him.

Chin was more observant, approaching and looking closely, like he could pick up on everything Victor had done to him, filing the information away as if somewhow he could get revenge for it. He lifted a hand, patting Danny on the cheek with a smile before hugging him also, giving a tight squeeze of satisfaction having him home. "Aloha brah, we missed you."

The night was spent eating, drinking and catching Danny up with everything he'd missed, Steve also for the time he'd spent away. They were careful how much they asked and Danny knew it would take time to explain, they were just giving him space. No doubt alone with Steve, they'd get all the details without making him uncomfortable having to answer their questions.

"The Governor has been riding me every day about where you've been, what you've been doing," Chin said, motioning to Steve. "Good job you had a good excuse."

"That and bad cell reception," Kono laughed. "We held the fort together pretty well I'd say, for only being half a team."

"The teribble twins," Danny teased with a shake of his head. "Think the governor will be glad Steve's back to take over."

"What about you? Do you think you'll come back?" Kono asked, and suddenly the air wasn't as light anymore to Danny. It felt tense and uncertain. He swallowed down and looked from her to Chin.

"I don't know that I'm ready to come back to work yet," Danny admitted honestly. "It's just, there's stuff I'm still dealing with, you know? The way it happened, the kidnapping, stuff that went on when I was there -."

"You don't have to explain it to us Danny," Chin assured him. "We were just curious as to what you have planned."

"You'll always be part of 5-0," Kono said with a smile. "Even if you're not there for a while longer."

"I don't know what I'm going to do," Danny said, looking to Steve for support. Steve just smiled and nodded in agreement, obviously thinking he was coping fine on his own as he explained. "I just need time."

"Well, you know where headquarters are," Chin reminded him. "Don't be a stranger."


	11. Chapter 11

four months later

Danny walked through the main doors of HQ to find the place quiet, Chin was bent over the computer table, Kono by him and he spied Steve in his office at his desk. Kono saw him first as she glanced up from perusing a file in her hands. With a wide smile she hurried over, pleased with the impromtu visit.

"Hey you," she said, throwing herself into a hug.

"Hey," Danny smiled against her, holding her close for a long minute.

Together they turned, Kono's arm slung around his shoulders and headed further in.

"Hi brah, how's things at the shack?" Chin said with a smile from over the table.

Danny gave a small shrug, and a smile as he nodded his head. "Great, thanks."

"You okay?" Kono said, looking at him closely with concern.

Danny turned to her, gave a slight shake of his head. "Just a bit of an off day is all. Needed to clear my head so I took a walk, ended up here."

He felt both pairs of eyes on him and gave a wince, he still wasn't used to the extra scrutiny he was put under from everyone. He understood why people looked at him that way, even if they didn't mean too, but it made him feel awkward even so.

"I'm going to go see Steve," he announced before they could ask any questions.

He turned towards Steve's office, Steve had noticed his arrival and had stood up, waiting when he realised Danny was coming to him.

"Hi," Danny said, closing the door behind him, aware of Chin and Kono now huddled together at the computer, exchanging words. Steve was watching him closely too.

"Everything okay?" Steve asked knowingly.

"I'll be fine," Danny said, sitting on the couch.

Steve sat down beside him, hand on his shoulder. "You need to talk to me Danny."

It wasn't a question.

"I didn't sleep very well," Danny admitted with a sigh, leaning back.

"Not what you told me this morning," Steve accused lightly. They'd spoken on the phone like they did every day when Danny didn't stay over.

"Needed to think about things," Danny said, a weak excuse he knew.

"Danny-," Steve began and Danny held up a hand to stop the lecture.

"I know, I know," he told him. "Believe me it's not the first time or the last time I'll have dreams about what happened. I don't tell you every time I have a dream or nightmare about Victor."

"But this one was bad?" Steve asked calmly.

Danny pressed his lips together and gave a quick nod. For a moment he was quiet before he looked at Steve. "Usually I can shake them off, but it was like I was back there. You know when you have a dream and it's so vivid, so real that when you wake up for a long time you get all disorientated because your brains still catching up?"

Steve nodded in understanding and Danny frowned, glancing down at his hands. "First time I've dreamt like that for a long time. Thought I'd be okay but I just keep remembering stuff about what happened. Had to take a walk to clear my head because I started getting angry about it all. Actually that's a lie, Amoka told me to take a walk and clear my head, sent me in this direction."

Steve gave a small smile at that, squeezing his fingers on Danny's shoulder gently.

"Want to talk about it?" Steve asked him. "About what you're remembering? About what you dreamed about?"

"I called Al on the way over," Danny told him. He saw the look in Steve's eyes and put a hand on his thigh reassuringly. "You know I don't like going into details too much with you."

He could feel Steve tense under his touch. There were things they talked about, about his time with Victor, but Danny kept the intimate details to himself. Steve knew they'd had sex, but Danny had only ever told Al what the sex had been like and the things Victor had coerced him into doing. Steve wasn't angry that he'd had sex with Victor, or that he wouldn't talk about it with him, but he was angry that Danny was being haunted in his dreams with the memories of their sexual encounters.

"Steve,-" Danny started, rubbing his thigh gently as if to comfort and assure him.

"Are you okay?" Steve interrupted, before he could change the subject. His fingers slid up Danny's neck, resting in his hair gently. Danny smiled at the gesture, Steve knew it was a comfort. "Talking with Al, has that helped? Do you need me to do anything or take you anywhere?"

Danny smiled and leaned into him. "No I'm good. Talking with Al helped and you're doing everything you need to do for me by being right here."

"You want to come over tonight?" Steve asked as Danny got comfortable, head on his shoulder as he relaxed.

"Yeah," Danny nodded and smiled. "That would be nice, thanks."

They sat quietly for a long while, enjoying each others company, Danny grateful for the silent comfort when Steve's cell shrilled and interrupted the peace. Steve shifted slightly before answering.

"McGarrett," he said and Danny sat up from him, feeling an old buzz at the prospect of a new case. They'd spoken about him coming back to work, but he wasn't ready, not yet. But he was determined to be back on Five 0 eventually. Steve assured him there'd be no problem bringing him back.

Steve finished the call and looked apologetic. "Sorry Danny, but we've gotta go. Go back to my place tonight okay, I'll try not to be late."

"Yeah okay," Danny nodded as Steve moved to stand.

He paused and leaned over to him, hand cupping his cheek gently. "Sure you're okay?"

"Great," Danny nodded with a smile. The walk had cleared his head, the talk with Al had helped and seeing Steve and the others had been all the comfort he needed.

"See you tonight," Steve told him, leaning in and giving him a kiss.

Standing, he propelled into work mode, grabbing his keys off the desk and heading for the door. Danny followed at a slower pace as Steve informed Chin and Kono of the case they'd been assigned. Something about a double homocide. He watched as the team got into action, giving a smile, feeling the buzz but happy to see them go off without him. He wasn't ready and he knew it, even if there were times he woke up thinking he was. He left them to it, making his way back along the beach, calling ahead to assure Amoka he was returning to work. Amoka owned a 'Surf and Turf' shack where you could shop for all things beach as well as grab a snack and drinks. It was a busy little place and Steve had made arrangements with the guy who was an old family friend to give him a job, kind of flexible hours which worked well for Danny as he readjusted. Amoka was a quiet guy, fair and understood enough to know when to send him on his way to take a break. Danny liked him a lot and more often than not he and Steve would bring Grace to the shack to hang out on the beach just outside, Amoka plying her with shave ices and burgers. Danny had had to promise Kamekona that they'd visit his Shrimp truck just as often.

After a few more hours of work, Danny helped close up, deciding to walk to Steve's, the beach led right round to the back of the house. As much as he wanted to be with Steve, he couldn't pass up the oppurtunity when Rachel had offerred to have him move in with them. Steve understood and assured Danny that when he was ready, he could move in any time. For now, he split his week up between the two homes and it was a comfortable arrangement for everyone.

He wasn't sure when Steve would turn up, sometimes with a case, there was no way of knowing when you'd be able to put your head down for some zzz's. At the house he made himself at home, lying out on the couch, watching tv and relaxing. Usually, at times like that his mind drifted and he thought back to his time with Victor. Al had assured him it was okay to think about it, as long as the old feelings didn't rear up or he felt the sway of being back there too heavily. Those were the times he needed to pick up the phone and call him to talk about it.

Danny sighed. After the night before, an endless sleep of being back in the mansion, being on his knees for hours, he'd woken up tired and jittery, the dull throb of beating music in his ears. But what had really bothered and disturbed him was that he'd woken up hard, having dreamed constantly about being with Victor, how physical they'd gotten, how the sex had made him feel. When Steve had called him that morning, he'd found it hard to lie to him, but there wasn't any way he was telling Steve about his nightmares. He had however been grateful to hear his voice, after unsuccessfully trying to ignore the erection until it went away, he'd jerked off in the shower with Steve's voice in his head, filling his mind with memories of sex with his partner instead.

He hoped to sleep better tonight and he could assure himself that any sexual encounters, dream like or real, would all be with the one person he wanted to be with. Not with a person who'd formed him into something they'd created in order to use, manipulate and control. Deep down he knew why Victor had created 'Daniel' and it was only partly to have the control and power over him. He knew the true reason he'd done what he did was to hurt Steve and he'd have succeeded if Steve hadn't been his usual stubborn self and gotten him out there, determined to break Victor's hold over him, phsycially and mentally. Yet there were still times he wondered if Victor had began to develop real feelings for him, even if he knew his own feelings had been born from the control.

It bothered him at times that something that had happened in only seven months could have affected him so deeply, even months after the event. But Al had given him books to read and they'd talked, sometimes at great length about the after effects, the mind was a sensitive area and easily manipulated under the right conditions. He knew it was something that he'd never fully shake off or forget.

He was shaken from his thoughts as he heard the front door open and Steve came into view. He was grateful for the interruption, Al was constantly telling him not to let himself get bogged down with the memories, floating was expected but he needed to shake it off quickly, stay in control. Steve looked tired and Danny didn't need to ask to know the case was a stressful one, he could read Steve well enough to know the signs. Still, when Steve saw him the frown eased and Danny stood as Steve approached him.

"Hi," Danny said with a smile as Steve pulled him close.

"Hey," Steve said before kissing him hard.

Danny didn't resist, knowing sometimes Steve just needed the connection to remind himself why he did what he did every day. To keep the people he cared about safe. Finally Steve pulled away, cupping his face with his hands thumbs rubbing over his cheeks as he enjoyed the moment to stop and be still.

"Sit down, I'll get you something to eat," Danny told him, manouvering them around so he could push Steve to the couch. He knew he wouldn't have eaten at all in between following leads. Steve sometimes ended up just running on his own steam, meals forgotten.

Steve didn't resist, settling and kicking off his boots as Danny heated up the last of the lasagne Steve had in the fridge. He took it back out to him with a couple of beers for them both and Steve wasted no time in devouring the meal and giving Danny a quick run down of the case in the process.

"Sounds like you've got everything covered," Danny nodded as Steve set his empty plate aside and sat back, feet up on the table as he swallowed down some beer.

"You think?" Steve asked turning to him and Danny gave a nod.

"You've got Charlie working in the lab, you're checking up on the ex girlfriend, former employees," Danny said, mentally checklisting what he'd do with what Steve had told him. "It's a waiting game babe, you know sometimes you have to wait for the information and answers to come to you."

"Meanwhile I've got a murderer on the streets," Steve sighed, it was frustrating.

"You'll get the guy," Danny said, "As long as you cover all the leads."

"I hate the waiting part," Steve said, gripping his bottle like somehow it could channel all his impatience out of him.

"Yeah I know," Danny laughed before leaning over to him. He ran a hand down Steve's chest intently, settling his palm on his taught stomach. "You want me to help you take your mind off things Commander?"

Steve gaped at him for all of a few seconds, like his brain was catching up with Danny's intentions, even as Danny began undoing his belt and the button of his pants.

"You don't have to -," Steve began as Danny moved to stand, pushing Steve's legs apart and settling on his knees between them.

Danny knew Steve had trouble sometimes when he got on his knees to blow him, like he was afraid it would remind him too much of what went on with Victor. Danny settled his hands firmly on his thighs and looked up at him.

"I want to do this," Danny assured him with a grin, "Just relax and enjoy it."

Steve took a drink of beer as Danny unzipped his pants, smiling as Steve tried to relax, settling his breathing as Danny pushed away the material of his cargoes. Danny liked the fact Steve went commando, made things much easier when he was in the mood to play around. Steve's cock was already perking up in interest as Danny took him in hand, slowly playing with him as he grew harder. Steve shifted, trying to get more comfortable with a small moan of enjoyment as Danny jerked him gently.

"That nice?" Danny asked leisurely, like he had all the time in the world. Steve looked at him, giving a small nod before he closed his eyes and settled back against the couch.

"Yeah, yeah," he replied under his breath.

Danny toyed with him until he was hard, fingers wrapped firm around the shaft. Then he bent over, capturing the head between his lips and settling his hands on Steve's thighs were he could feel them tense and writhe gently under his fingers.

"Oh god," Steve muttered under his breath as Danny bent his head further to move his move over his cock.

Danny hummed in agreement, enjoying how his lips stretched around the head and the heaviness of cock against his tongue. Over the months together he'd began to learn how Steve enjoyed getting off, what made him writhe, moan, yell out, beg for more. What made him lay still and zone out, get lost in the feelings as Danny explored. Danny treated it like a new hobby learning everything about his partner when it came to sex and keeping him satisfied. He knew sometimes Steve held back, senstive as to how physical he could get with him, wary of rearing up memories of Victor. They'd yet to have sex where they fucked one another, but Danny was enjoying the build up to it. Part of him needed Steve to fuck him, just to eradicate Victor, the last guy to ever touch and connect with him that way. But they'd both determined to take it slow.

"Fuck Danny," Steve breathed out with a groan and Danny looked up at him. Steve was looking at him, slack jawed, eyes blown in pleasure, watching him as he swallowed around his cock. Danny was hard just watching and listening to his lovers reactions and hummed contentedly as he shifted to unzip his own pants. He got a hand on himself and jerked himself slowly, the same rhythm as he slurped around Steve's cock, feeling Steve writhe and gasp in enjoyment.

As he jerked himself to hardness Danny pulled back, clamouring to his feet, pushing off his shorts and climbing into Steve's lap, knees framing his hips, settling down on his thighs, cocks aligned. Steve pulled him close, one hand on his ass, the other in his hair, pulling him in for a kiss. As their cocks ground together they both let out satisfied groans, stealing each others breaths as they breathed harsh and fast. Steve lowered his other hand so he could grab Danny's ass fully, holding on tight and Danny set up a rhythm, cocks caught between their stomachs and grinding delicously.

Danny threw his head back with a groan, closing his eyes and enjoying the feeling, letting it wash over him, washing away everything, the nightmares and the haunting presence of Victor that at times lingered.

"Fuck baby," Steve groaned quietly against his neck, mouth licking and nipping at his skin.

Danny smiled and looked down at him, cupping Steve's face to make him look at him and Steve smiled back at him.

"Steve," he breathed out, teeth worrying at his lower lip and Steve's hands massaged into his ass possesively.

"So fucking beautiful," Steve told him, leaning up to kiss him again and making Danny moan happily. "You close baby?"

"You fucking know it," Danny growled back against his lips, making Steve laugh.

"Yeah I know it," Steve agreed, letting go of his ass with one hand and instead getting it between them so he could grip both their cocks.

"Fuck," Danny gasped out, gripping the back of the couch to steady himself, closing his eyes again and Steve sucked on his neck once more, tongue laving at his pulse point. "Fuck Steve."

Steve's hand moved faster, chasing him to the edge and Danny felt breathless when his orgasm hit, yelling and shuddering, hips grinding against his lover as he came.

"Yeah baby yeah," Steve agreed, writhing under him as he came also, whispering his name through quick stuttering breaths.

Danny settled on his lap, always unwilling to move far, needing to be held whenever they got intimate. Steve never complained and put an arm around him, keeping him close as Danny buried his face into the crook of his neck with a satisfied smile. Eventually Steve shifted a little under him.

"Don't go to sleep on me Danno," Steve teased, giving him a quick squeeze before pushing him back. "Or at least lay out on the couch first."

Danny laughed and pulled away, climbing off him and laying out on the couch as asked. "Fine but just until we can take round two up to the bedroom."

"Yeah, maybe," Steve sighed tiredly.

"Maybe?" Danny grinned teasingly. "Really? You gonna make me wait sailor?"

"Randy fucker," Steve moaned. "You realise my job is more stressful than a day at the shack right?"

"You really going to do this?" Danny laughed, sitting up slightly. "You really want to get into an argument about whose day was worse? Because I hold the trump card babe, mental and emotional abuse victim here."

Steve gaped at him before conceding the argument. "Fine, just give me a half hour or so."

"Thirty minutes?" Danny said, rubbing his foot up Steve's thigh.

Steve put a hand on his foot, giving his ankle a gentle squeeze. "Danno, shut the fuck up and let me rest. Please."

Danny gave a laugh and settled back down, Steve rubbing his foot gently as he leaned back and closed his eyes. Danny watched him with a smile and Steve smiled himself, turning hs head and looking at him, knowing he was being observed.

"What?" Danny shrugged innocently.

"You seem in a much better mood than this afternoon," Steve observed lightly.

"I've had time to clear my head," Danny said calmly. "And I like that it's you I get to wait for to come home."

"Yeah, I like that too," Steve agreed. "I'll always come home to you Danny."

"Good, because I'll always be waiting," Danny told him softly. "I was just talking to Stan and Rachel today. They're going to visit Stan's parents soon, gonna be staying a couple of weeks. Rachel asked me if I wanted to go with them. I know I'm staying there to be near Grace, and they've been really really great but, they're a family and I can't infringe on that all of the time. I gotta draw the line somewhere. I thought maybe I could stay here while they're gone."

"You know you don't have to ask," Steve assured him.

"I know it's just," Danny sat up and shifted around so he could kneel on the couch near to Steve. "I was thinking maybe we could see how it goes, me being here all of the time. Maybe start looking at more long term living arrangements."

"Sounds like a plan," Steve nodded with a grin that belayed his calm demeanour. Danny knew he was more excited about the prospect than he was letting on.

"Thanks," Danny said, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Steve's mouth. "For everything. I don't thank you enough sometimes."

"You don't have too," Steve assured him.

"Yeah I do," Danny said with a small nod. "What you did for me, not just coming to get me but everything afterwards, getting me out, Al and Laura, being patient while I try to figure stuff out in my head. It can all be a little overwhelming at times, thinking about what you've done, just for me."

"Not just for you," Steve retorted gently, sitting up, taking his hand. "For me, for Grace, for everyone. I know this is a terrible thing to admit but, I don't know if I'd have tried so hard for so long if it had been anyone else, I think I may have given up a long time before we got the lead on the doc. I just couldn't give up on you."

"And I still wonder why sometimes," Danny admitted with a shake of his head.

"I love you," Steve reminded him. "You know that. And that's why I didn't give up on you."

Danny frowned and looked down, it was always difficult trying to fight the feeling that he didn't resist hard enough. That he was so easily manipulated into Victor's grip over him.

"I should have tried harder not to give in," Danny said shaking his head, feeling Steve shift and put an arm around him. "I didn't fight hard enough. It shouldn't be like this now, all the suffering I put Grace through, everyone."

"Don't Danny, you know it doesn't do you any good to think like that," Steve said, pulling him close. "What you've come through, fuck, not many people could get to where you are now without some determined spirit in them. We got you back and that's what counts. You won Danny, you beat him."

"I know, I know," Danny sighed, shifting to lean against him, held in Steve's arms. "Doesn't mean I don't feel bad about what happened sometimes."

"I know," Steve said, giving him a squeeze. "You're doing great, everyone sees it."

Danny relaxed in his hold and lay quietly for a time before giving a soft laugh,"Fuck I know how to put a downer on a buzz don't I?"

"Helped pass thirty minutes," Steve teased, giving his ass a pinch and giving him a gentle push. "Why don't we go to bed?"

"Still early," Danny teased, lifting up and giving a small stretch as Steve stood up, holding out a hand to pull him to his feet.

"Round two remember?" Steve said with a promising look. "Why don't you head up while I check the locks."

Danny smiled, receiving a pinch on the ass as he sidled past him and up the stairs, heart already beating a little faster in anticipation. He didn't know what the future held for him, but he knew it was a brighter one than Victor had presented him with not long ago. He'd always be haunted by what had happened, he'd never shake the experience, never forget what had gone on in those months. 'Daniel' would always linger somewhere inside him, like a shadow banished to a corner of his life. But Steve, Grace, Rachel and Stan, Chin and Kono, even Al and Laura, they'd brought him back, literally from a brink. As he listened to the creak of the stairs, Steve taking them two at a time in his stride, Danny stripped off his t-shirt with a hum of satisfaction.

Now when he waited for someone to come home or to come to the bedroom, it was because he was choosing to be there.

"My choice," he said under his breath before Steve appeared in the doorway, eyes roving over his body with an appreciative stare.

'Definitely my choice,' Danny thought to himself with a smile.

~ fin ~

' Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you '  
(c) Coldplay


End file.
